Father God, I am hurting and so uncertain. I just don't know Lord. I keep trying to "see my way through" and I think that's my problem. There is also that reluctance I have-due to fear. But why am I scared, why can't I trust because of the past? What's my problem Lord? Lord, I do not want Anton to go to Korea, he doesn't want to go either and I do not want to say but Your will Father, not mine, be done because I am scared & full of doubt that any good can come of it. There, I said it, is that honest enough for You Lord? Funny how just a few days ago I was all faithful and trusting by deciding, "...and I'm okay with that," and now being at this point. I failed before I even took the test! What's wrong with me Lord? What is it? Why am I making this so hard? Okay, what exactly is it that I am not surrendering to You? Why am I holding on to it? Lord, I don't know, I just don't know.