...of me 'n them airplanes!

Wednesday, the 30th day of November, in the year 2005, I boarded an aircraft headed back to Misawa, Japan.

Of course I was reluctant. I did not want to get on that plane, but I knew it was the only way back to Anton & our kids. I prayed while I sat in the waiting area. I also read a few passages. Then, the announcement to begin boarding boomed over the speaker. My stomach churned and I headed to the bathroom. When I was done, most of the passengers had disappeared onto the airplane so I fell in line with the remaining passengers. A man had still been seated on the floor so I asked him if he liked waiting till the last minute like I did to avoid being on the aircraft any longer than needed. He replied that he didn’t have a seat because of his stand-by status. Y’all know I wanted to offer that man my seat right! :)

In the cabin, my carry-on nestled into the overhead compartment while my Bible and journal made its home in the seat with me. Again, my stomach churned, so I sprinted to the bathroom. At my return, it seemed as if all were waiting on me to get back into my seat because as soon as I sat down, a flight attendant came to visually check my seatbelt as the Captain prompted the securing of the cabin. I tightened my seatbelt but decided that I was not satisfied with its guarantee so I tightened it some more. Still not satisfied, I conducted a simulated forward thrust and made the mandated decision to try tightening it a little more. “Okay, calm down. Pray. You’re alright. It’s okay, see yourself already on the ground in Misawa!” My self-pep-talk did not work.

The aircraft crept towards the taxiway; my knee started twitching.
The aircraft picked up a little speed; my other knee joined in.
The aircraft bounced down the taxiway; my hands clenched my thighs.
The aircraft turned slightly and came to a stop; my lungs forced air through my mouth.
The Captain announced that he was waiting for clearance to takeoff; my head fell back.

I – CAN’T – BREATHE!

To the man in the aisle next to me I said, “Can I sit there please?” Obviously taken aback, he mentioned something about needing the extra legroom but if I really needed to I could. I tore the seatbelt away from my lap, sat next to him and buckled myself all in one immediate move! Through heavy breathing I thanked and reassured him that I would leave him to himself after takeoff. He asked if I were afraid of flying. Frantically, I nodded my head. He told me that he had been a pilot in the Navy at one time and that I had nothing to worry about. The most critical part was taking off and landing. After that, it’s all good. “Cleared for takeoff,” says the Captain and instantaneously the plane began to propel forward. As its speed increased, so did my breathing. Noticing this, my new “Airplane Babysitter-Buddy” started a conversation with me. I have no inkling what he said but I do know that I gave him empty feedback by aimlessly nodding and repeating, “Uh-huh. Okay!”

Keeping myself from giving in to the impulse of screaming, “I CAN’T DO THIS! LET ME OFF PLEASE!” while pulling at my hair proved to be awfully hard. But I did it!

“Ding!”

That indicated the okay to move about the cabin. My “buddy” excused himself to use the restroom and I did the same, (yes, my stomach still caused trouble!). As we were waiting in line, he started another conversation with me to which I actually consciously participated in. Of course he returned to his seat long before me but when I got there, kindly, he ignored his need for the legroom and offered for me to remain seated with him. I declined, (but didn’t really want to), telling him that I had to try doing this alone. “If you change your mind, it’s okay with me,” he said and commenced to read a book. I decided to write:

“I’m on the plane. I’ve already failed, Lord please forgive me & do not give up on me. Thank You for being patient w/me. I prayed & said I am reliant on You, (God), I don’t need anyone else, God is in control. And what do I go & do, ask the man beside me if I could sit w/him! I am so totally stupid. I need to stop being so double-minded, Lord please don’t give up on me, I’ll get it. I’m gonna keep praying. I was just in the bathroom & realized how small it is & wondered, how does Anton use these bathrooms, he must be really uncomfortable. Poor thing. Plane is doing weird things, help me Father, calm me please. You are in control, not me. I trust in You. Give me peace, I feel like I want to panic, help me Father. Calm me please. Everything is okay, God is the Pilot. He is holding this plane in His hand. He is going to have all flights & busses arrive at each destination safely.”

I fell asleep. When I woke up, I resumed writing:

“I slept, Can you believe it? God is so good. He gave me rest just as I asked! Thank You Father! The man I sat beside is a Christian, he is on a remote in Diego Garcia & his family is in Virginia Beach. His two children go to a Christian private school & his wife stays @ home & she loves it. I plan to buy some of that bread that “Sharon” got on our way to Narita. I’m not going to eat it until I arrive in Misawa. I saved my pretzels for my babygirl. I should have taken a toy out of the bag for her, but I think the snack will do. I am ready to see my family, I’ve missed them.”

The Captain informed his passengers that we would begin our initial descent into Narita Airport. I prepared myself, mentally. My friend asked if I wanted to “come over” for landing. I did not hesitate! I had to go through Customs and start towards the bus terminal to purchase a ticket for the next bus ride to Haneda Airport.

On the next flight:

“I’m on the second flight, I’m okay, I’m in God’s hands. The plane was just a bit shaky & I felt the anxiety come over me & I had to say calm down, you’re okay. The flight should be only forty more minutes. I can do this, we’re already in the air, I’m okay. I’m about to see my family, oh how exciting. Calm down Larie, you are fine, God got you girl. Chill out. I’m okay. My God delivers, He is calming me & giving me peace like I asked for. I hope Anton is sexy for me. I asked him not to wear his uniform. Oh wow, we are going to ‘know’ each other tonight! My incision has been bothering me today.”

The plane landed. At the baggage claim, I turned around to the smiling faces of Anton, our daughter and my mommy. Our son had been left in his car seat so I couldn’t see him from where I stood. However, when I walked up to him, he looked at me a little funny and parted his lips just enough for me to see that he’d grown two more teeth while I had been away! "First-born" could only stare at me, which she continued to do the entire ride home! Once we got into the house and I started giving out gifts, she came around. My son surprised me by crawling my way. It was the first time I’d seen him crawl!

Thank you for reading, commenting, praying and desiring to learn more about my journey to maturation. After tomorrow's book review, I'll be on vacation for the next week. However, when I return the week after that, it'll be time for the second series of "When a Girl Prays for Patience: An Epoch of Depression."

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4 NIV

...of, Scanning & more scanning

I hope y’all enjoyed the slight break on yesterday from all the medical stuff. It seemed to serve as a great pause to shed some happy thoughts around here, however, I do realize that the lodging episode does play a role in the development of my maturation process, but it needed a page of it’s own!

Y’all last heard about the upcoming WBS on Monday. That proved to be another experience that I care not to participate in again, but that’s not an option. Just before the scan, a Nuclear Technician injected a very small amount of radiation into my arm and directed me to sit still for five minutes. Then he lead me to the scanning room where another man offered his hand of welcome and introduced himself. He explained to the process to me, pushing the fact that I had to remain completely still. All jewelry had to be removed as well as my glasses. The “Scan Man” helped me climb onto the table and lie down.

The scan terrified me! I’m slightly self-diagnosed claustrophobic! The roof of that machine came all the way down to the tip of my nose and the sides closed in I began praying as my breathing increased so that I would not freak out. After praying I sang Hymns to calm my nerves. The tech heard my small whimpers so he came to check on me and asked what was wrong. I told him that everything was closing in on me and I started to itch. Trying to calm me down, he stated that my entire body had not been enclosed and that he could scratch my itch. He asked where it was and I told him that my whole face itched so he rubbed my face with a paper towel, (THE BROWN ROUGH KIND!) and told me that there were only a few more minutes to go before the second scan.

THE SECOND SCAN? OH COME ON!!!

In between the scans I went to the restroom where I contemplated running away, but my bags were in the scanning room. After completing the second scan, I reported to the Endocrinologist’s office for, what I thought the report on the scans but, he met with me to tell me that the results would be ready tomorrow! Couldn’t they have told me that while I was over there so that I would not have had to taste the blood that filled my mouth from the gash in my tongue as a result of my biting it because of Dr. “Endo’s” not-funny-at-all-joke: looking at my bags he says, “My, I guess we can call you the bag lady today!” I could have yelled at him about my moving episodes and that “today” I had to check out before coming to the hospital because of the timing therefore, that is why I have my bags with me. Instead, I bit my tongue and showed no physical reaction to his comment!

Tuesday, Dr. “Endo” had a meeting that he’d forgotten about during the same time that my appointment with him had been scheduled. So his nurse had me wait. At the 1-½ mark, I spoke up. I had to. The Aerovac office would only be open 30 more minutes and I had to go to them before they closed so that I could have my orders signed off since I was booked on the next day’s flight out of there and without there “okay” I would not be allowed to do so. The nurse paged him with this information and relayed to me that the scan was awesome, to which I interrupted her by asking, “What exactly does awesome mean?” No, I was not being doubtful, but after all I’d experienced with the military medical services up until that point, I demanded no ambiguity! Shocked, she replied that the scan had been “all good,” it was clear, no traces of residual thyroid tissue or Cancer and to report back in 6 months for second set of scans. She initialed the papers that needed to accompany me to the Aerovac office.

When I arrived there, a man commented that I’d just made it on time and hopefully he could get everything done. I just looked at him with a wrinkled forehead that ornamented my cocked-to-the-left head with attitude-lips and thought, “Really? All you gotta do is make sure all the boxes are initialed on this paper and then add yours with a stamp!” This process only took him, literally, a few seconds!

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, Who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:8-11 NIV

Tomorrow’s post will end this segment of “When a Girl Prays for Patience.” In Friday’s post you will get to read about an awesome book that I recently read by author, LaVender Shedrick-Williams. She’s a bloggy-buddy of mine and we have communicated with one another “behind the scenes” as well. Then, for the next week I’ll be on “vacation” while I complete another book for review, which is also authored by a bloggy-buddy of mine, Warren Baldwin. Finally, I’ll begin the next installment of “When a Girl Prays for Patience: An Epoch of Depression.”

...of makin' moves

Okay, about the moving. Before I left for Hawaii, I had been informed that my lodging reservation ended on Monday, the 28th of November because they had prior reservations. However, ya know that people do cancel so they also told me not to worry and just to check back every now and then to see if such had happened and then I’d be able to extend my stay. It didn’t happen!

I phoned around looking for alternative lodging to carry me through Wednesday, my departure day. The places I tried were booked, too far and did not provide shuttle service to the hospital and I was not paying a cab since I’d already done that a few times from Hickam to Tripler and that ran me $22 EACH WAY or not authorized by the Air Force’s Aero Medical personnel, which meant that I would not be reimbursed for the hotel bill. So, I tried the guesthouse at Tripler, (yes, I know, they have a guest house for their patients and that is not where I was placed in the beginning!!!), they had an opening, however, for one night only, but, I’LL TAKE IT! I figured I could work out Tuesday night later.

Upon my arrival to the guesthouse, I should have vomited! The lobby exhibited the invention of disgust. However, my wanting to give the benefit of doubt that they probably place so much care on the actual rooms that something has to lack. I mean really, the people who stay here are outpatients of the hospital so they gotta take care of them, right?

HA-HA! NO!

I entered my room and became offended that I had been treated as a leper by being placed in isolation and having Homer Simpson & his co-worker come into my room all suited up and pointing a radioactive measuring tool at me and then have my food served to me through a transfer door AND THEN tell me to undress piece by piece leaving me naked-almost in the hallway AND THEN not allowing me to put my panties back on that were only worn for 2 hours at the most because they had the possibility of still being toxic but you want me to stay in this room that should be labeled as a national pandemic threat, (is that an oxymoron?), not to even be burned since the fumes would offer horribleness!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NO!

There were ROACHES, now I ain’t talking like I haven’t lived with a roach or two before; I have, but not ROACHES! Food occupied the mini-fridge so I questioned if the room had been cleaned. Why did I keep looking for “trouble?” I don’t know, really I don’t so leave me alone and stop asking! :) I also saw that the towels appeared dingy, now I know that they could have been clean and maybe no bleach had been used, but come on, really? There was also a sour smell in the room. I went to the front desk to inquire about the facilities domestic maintenance procedures and was told that the rooms were cleaned daily. Okay, I tried to be nice but “you” must think I’m stupid, so let me just put it out there, I thought. I replied, “The room you gave me has been overlooked.” He told me, “No it hadn’t!” Well, Larie had to really lay it out for him by saying that the room was infested with roaches to which he said that the exterminator had been there yesterday.

She also told him about the food in the fridge, which caused him to say that it’s the occupant’s responsibility to clean it out at time of checkout so maybe the last occupants had not done so.

The towels, yes, Larie mentioned the towels along with the sour smell. She heard him say that the towels were clean, just old and worn out and the smell is from the stuff the exterminator used the day before!

“Do you want the room or not ma’am?” (No he didn’t! Yeah, he did!) But weary Larie felt as if she had no other option and all she had to do was hang on for two more days so she requested to look at another room, which happened to be available because the reserving party had not checked in yet. The “new” room proved to be 1/4 above the last. There was no food in the fridge and I think she may have counted one less roach.

Whew, now that I’m done with that part I can stop writing as if I am telling this story about someone else for the sake of “embarrassment!” LOL

I stayed for the night and on Tuesday, after I left the hospital, I headed to Sister “Swap Meet’s” home for the night. In the morning another Sister took me to the airport. She had to hug me a bit tighter and give a quick pep talk about getting on that plane. I told her that I didn’t want to do it but she told me that I had to because it was the only way I was going to be able to see my family again.

Y’all ready for my next airplane saga? Well, you have to wait until after tomorrow’s post! Tee-hee

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 NIV

...of love is an action

Each promise of meals was fulfilled and it charmed me. My taste buds were still shot so everything after the first few bites tasted as I was gnawing on molten metal! Saturday had been the designated day of my quarantined release, which meant that I could finally shower and go to the bathroom at any time-not only when I really needed to! The shower felt euphoric until, I HAD TO WASH MY HAIR! I wanted to cut it off instead of trying to detangle that mess! I know that it didn’t have to be tangled so badly since I did have the ability to comb it while I was in the room, but I just didn’t. So, I had to deal with it.

My Sister-in-Christ who had picked me up from the airport offered to take me out for the day so that I could finally get to see more of Hawaii’s beauty. Oh, oh, oh, speaking of seeing and beauty, I forgot to mention that the view from my hospital’s window was of the alleyway where delivery trucks and vans came! Nice huh? I’m stuck in isolation with no human contact and they depress me even more by giving me the room without a view! The sun didn’t even shine back there!!! Okay, sorry, I’m done.

Back to what I began to say…my Sister drove me down to Maui, up to Hanauma Bay, where she snapped a photo of me on the beach with a flower in my hair to adorn Anton’s desk, and then she attempted to grant a culinary request for me by taking me to Arby’s! In an earlier conversation about living in Japan, she asked me what did I miss the most about the U.S., I told her that it was some of the fast-food venues. She couldn’t believe it! She had been thinking that I would say something liking shopping, cable or family and so on. Nope, I like to eat! The cuisine in Japan is excellent and I loved it as well, however, every now and again I did want to pop into an Arby’s, Wendy’s, Krispy Kreme, Rally’s and a few of the other essential places. Well, as a surprise, she took me to the mall and as we walked up to Arby’s’ door, the gate was coming down!

Pitiful. That describes my reaction, just pitiful. My mouth dropped open and I watched the gate go completely down! Pathetic huh! I know that I would have only been able to savor the first couple bites, but dang, it would have been nice! Sunday morning I attended Sunday school and worship service. Then another Sister-in-Christ, (the one I went to the Swap Meet with), took me home with her and served Spaghetti after which we “called some hogs” and returned to evening worship.

Their love spilled over my cup so much that I could have danced under it as if it were a fountain!

I spent Monday moving from my room on Hickam, (this explanation will be a post by itself!), to a room on Tripler, (where the hospital is mind you-but, like I said, I gotta make that another post!), then I headed over to the hospital to for my first Whole Body Scan. Tuesday, I went to the hospital, (with all my luggage because I had to move again-BUT, like I said, another post!), to receive scan results, one more blood test, discharge paperwork and homecare instructions.

“But it was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath He swore to your forefathers that He brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt.” Deuteronomy 7:8 NIV

...of lying on the roadside

Back at my hotel room, I snuggled into my bed and called Anton. We didn’t talk long because my throat ached, but I did get to briefly tell him that there were a lot of things that I wanted to be, but a hermit had NOT been one of them!

Sleep seemed to be as fundamental as breathing; it required no conscience effort. I had not realized how much I’d been sleeping until it dawned on me that I had been watching the same movie for six hours. Slumber literally snuck up on me. There were times I had not realized that I fell asleep. I woke up to see credits rolling so I hit rewind and tried again. I woke up to the same thing two more times! Neither hunger nor bladder relief visited me, just sleep. I knew that I needed to do both regardless of my body not asking for it. So, peeking out of my door and down the hall, I grabbed my key and made my way to the bathroom. I made it quick. However, when I passed a mirror, my feet became tiled. My image was
H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E! It looked as if I’d had no sleep, my hair clung to my scalp and my neck reflected evidence of being wrapped in a tourniquet! Before getting caught up in physical mayhem, I thought it best to return to my room.

On my way back, the housekeeper and I crossed paths. Obviously shocked, (she stared awkwardly for a very long second before snapping out of it), she grabbed my arm and asked, “Dang girl! What happen to you?” She is Filipino so the inflection of her voice sounded more taunting than concerned. Besides that, I knew she was expressing worry. I told her about the radiation, expecting her to step away from the radioactive girl and feelings of an isolated leper to come back, I moved forward. But her hold on my arm tightened while the other rested on my hip as she asked what she could do. I honestly didn’t know what I wanted her to do. Sensing this, she inquired about my nourishment intake. I’d planned to order something when I got back to the room but she thought that was the most appalling thing ever! “No! I get you food. Good food huh.”

Of course I played the docile card, but it was sincere, by telling her that I was cool and didn’t mind ordering in. I mean really, come on, why would she do that for me? Yeah we talked here and there before I went into the hospital but she didn’t have a clue as to whom I really was. She didn’t even know before this time why I was there. I never offered the details and she didn’t ask! Anyhow, with her lips pursed in the direction her hand started pushing me she demanded me to “go there”, (my room), and she’d be back soon with food.

Of course I conformed! Did you think I didn’t? :)

True to her oath, awhile later there was food-better than good, IT WAS HOMEMADE FILIPINO CUISINE!!! She explained to me that she asked her husband to bring it up there when he came to pick her up. Her shift had ended but she asked if I needed towels or washcloths before she left. I didn’t so she told me that the next day was her day off but she would love to come and get me to have Thanksgiving with her family. I had to decline because of my post-ablation instructions, she understood but offered to bring me a meal. I declined that offer as well because during the time I waited for her a Sister from the local congregation called to tell me that she and her husband planned to bring a plate from the congregation’s Thanksgiving fellowship meal. “Well I bring some Friday for you,” is how she responded.

“…But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him…” Luke 10:25-37 NIV

...of I just needed to walk away

A post-procedure instruction list was given to me as I left the hospital. I do not have the original one; so instead, I found a similar list online, page 3. This one is from a civilian doctor, however, it’s pretty close to the one I received on base. Just keep in mind while you read it that my hotel was not really a hotel, it was Junior Enlisted quarters. Which meant that in my “space,” I had a bed, television, fridge, phone and microwave. Yeah, you read it right, no toilet, shower or sink. There was a community bathroom up the hall. Now this wasn’t a problem before I-131, because it was an all female floor, however, with my discharge instructions, it could be quite a problem.

For example, the sole use of bathroom thing, yeah, okay, if I were back at home that would have been possible, however, I live in the Junior Enlisted quarters at the moment so that is not an option for me! Other women were in the bathroom at all times! I reminded the doctor about my living arrangements and she paused for a moment and told me to avoid taking a shower for the next 48-hours, (I had been placed on a 48-hour “in home” quarantine), and only use the toilet if absolutely necessary. When I did use the toilet she told me to flush a few more times than the paper said and then clean it out with bleach. She also told me to put my “Do Not Disturb” sign out so that the maids would not come in during that time. All to which I irritatingly replied:

“Why now is it okay for me not to take a shower? Am I not supposed to keep on letting the stuff out of my body? And why do I have to use the bathroom when I really got to? Ain’t anytime somebody gotta use it necessary? I understand y’all not wanting to contaminate other people, but then y’all should have arranged for me to have other hotel plans or just let me stay in the hospital!”

I took my papers and began walking off “commando” style, (take it which ever way you want, LOL), as she tried replying to me that it wasn’t a requirement for patients to be hospitalized once their level reached the required…her voice trailed off.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Proverbs 13:12 NIV

...of released, but not free

Right in the middle of my breakfast, Doctor “Nuclear Med” enters my room with the scanner and says, “You ready?” I asked her was I ready for what and she replied, “For your scan?” In my mind I thought, of course I’d been ready, what else do I have to do? However, I said an uncertain yeah and reminded her that she told me she’d be back after lunch to which she replied that her excitement would not allow such a nonsensical thing!

Whatever.

She scanned and read aloud the number 27-point some other number! I was instructed to stand still as she left the room. Upon her return, she had my clothes! Cool, I get to leave, but it was so unconventional. I had been in the middle of breakfast when she came back way earlier than the “allotted” time and then she scans me and brings in my clothes! No instruction on that part, she just told me to stand still!

Okaaaaay?

So she rolled out clean white examining-room-table-paper on top of the existing one and instructed me something like so:

First, remove your socks; drop them and take one step forward
Next, remove your pants, step out of them and take one step forward
Then, remove your panties, step out of them and take one step forward
Now, remove your shirt, drop it and take one step forward.

Uuuhhh, yes, I’m standing Garden of Eden, before the fall, bare, in front of this lady like arm length from the door! D-E-G-R-A-D-I-N-G! Another one of those things that they DID NOT prepare me for!

She handed me my clothing article-by-article, well, with the exception of PANTIES!!! I’d mistakenly taken all of the panties I packed out of the bag before they took it away!!! I asked her if I could just put the ones I’d just taken off back on since I showered about less than 2 and ½ hours ago. She denied my request due to the fact that I’d placed them on pre-level 27 scan. Therefore, they were still “toxic.” Laughing sarcastically, I completed dressing myself and followed her out. A nurse escorted me to a waiting room where I signed discharge papers and called a cab.

“Blessed in the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.” Job 5:17 NIV

...of God's glory

…at 30! Backtrack for a moment: at last scan on the afternoon prior, my level was at 53 and the level needed to be at 29 point something in order for me to be released from the hospital. The doctor just looked at me for a moment, wrinkling her forehead and asked if I’d taken the whole bottle of Magnesium Citrate! I told her that I had not taken any of it nor had my bowels moved. She then got a glimpse of our God because I told her about my praying, television fasting and water drinking.

SHE APOLOGIZED FOR HER MENTAL INTERRUPTION THE DAY BEFORE!

The Nuclear Medicine doctor informed me that she’d be back after lunch for what she hoped to be my last scan and discharge. She left. I laughed myself back into bed and dozed off until my breakfast arrived.

“Dominion and awe belong to God; He establishes order in the heights of heaven.”
Job 25:2 NIV

...of this one is for you, Irritable Mother!

As you can imagine, both the doctor and I were a bit taken aback by her meltdown; however, I did not hold it against her. I think that she was harder on herself than I was because she did not come back that evening for another scan. I decided to turn my attention solely on cleansing the toxins from my body by refraining from the television for the remainder of my stay. My mind had been devoted to prayer, reading God’s word and drinking water. The nausea rapidly increased to the point of “paralyzing” me. Whenever I moved, everything moved with me, or so it seemed anyway, so I sat still. In spite of the queasiness, I had to fight it in order to shower, change my sheets & pajamas and to correspond with the nurses who did the checks. I also forgot to tell you that when they checked on me I had to make eye contact with them. So at one point during the worst nauseated moment ever, a nurse knocked at my door but my back was to the door so I just threw my hand up but she knocked again and I again threw my hand up but again, she knocked and that time it was with much more force so I jerked myself around, (wrong thing to do because I only hurt myself more), focused my eyes on hers and threw my hand up. She smiled and walked off.

In the morning, a nurse called into my room to inform me that the Nuclear Medicine doctor would be coming down soon and that she wanted me to make sure that I’d showered before she entered the room. Dragging myself up, I made it to the bathroom and into the shower. Just as I stepped out, I heard the doctor’s voice calling my name! “Yes?” I said. “I’m ready to do your scan.” I told her that I wasn’t dressed yet but she claimed that it would be all right. I wrapped myself in a towel and took my place at my line. The scanner crackled faintly. Doc looked up with an expression that was a mixture of relief and wonderment. The scanner showed my level to be…

(Is anyone besides Irritable Mother “upset” with me for leaving y’all dangling over this cliff?) :) smooches!

“Who among the gods is like You, O LORD? Who is like You-majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?” Exodus 15:11 NIV

...of not that I thought it was about me anyway, but...

Everything started to change as the day progressed. My taste buds were shot, whatever I drank or ate tasted like metal. I would not take the risk of adding to my nauseated state by pandering to the Magnesium; I opted not to drink any of it. Instead, I prayed.

1630 scan…53.

Now this, WOW, this is when I reckoned my Doctor mentally interrupted:

Almost yelling, she said, “What are you doing? Have you been following our directions? You have to get this poison out of your body so you’ll be released tomorrow! Don’t you wanna get outta here? I don’t want to have to come in here on Thursday! I’d rather be at home with my family!”

AHA, GOT’CHA! Then I understood why she’d been so frustrated with my levels. “Today” is Tuesday, “tomorrow” is Wednesday and then “it’s” Thursday, Thanksgiving Day! But, didn’t she think that I too would rather be w/my family? Had she forgotten that I was on that beautiful island w/o my family and would still be there on Thanksgiving?

"Yeah, I'm sorry Doc that I may ruin your day of thanks 'cause I bought some Cancer at the corner store up yonder and then decided that I didn’t want it so I had to wait in a forever line at the customer service desk only to find out that returns ain't done on site which meant that I had to go to another store in the next county so I could “get my money back” but THEEEN, that store didn't have no cash there-it had to be sent from from a safe when needed!"

Yup, my mistake Doc, I apologize for making purchases based on the latest fads!

“An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.” Proverbs 18:1 NIV

...of not even with 2 spoons full of sugar!

At the second scan, the level showed to be at 77. The doctor questioned me about my water intake and bowel movement. I let her know that I began to feel nauseous from so much water in such a short period of time but I was on my second pitcher and had not had a bowel movement yet. She told me that I had to just deal with the nausea and drink more water because the level was not going down fast enough. She wished me a goodnight and stated that she’d be back in the morning for another scan and she would like for the level to be at or below 45. So, I drank, ate, showered 2x, read and channel surfed again throughout the night.

In between the showers, I had to ask the nurses for more sheets because I had begun to sweat. I also requested more pajamas and towels. The requested items were carefully placed in the transfer closet. I hated retrieving my meals, toiletries, linens and everything else I needed through that thing. It was just so impersonal. It just wasn’t right! I felt very isolated. The days in the hospital and first two days after being released opened my mind to the importance of human contact. I am careful about saying that I need some “alone time” now!

With the delivery of breakfast in the morning, a third scan took place.

Level 62.

Disappointed, Doctor “Nuclear Med” said she’d do another scan at noon and if she is not satisfied w/the level, she would prescribe Magnesium to provoke a bowel movement, (I still had not had one yet). She informed me that the Magnesium increases queasiness and sometimes it also provoked vomiting. More nausea and the likelihood of vomiting was not an option for me! I drank water, more water, more water, and even more water until I felt as if I could be used as a buoy! Constantly urinating, seriously like every 2.876 minutes, I decided to camp out in the bathroom. When I was scanned again, the level had only reached to 58!

Aaahhhhh! Noooooo! Pleeeeease!

Heavily sighing with slight eye rolling, the doctor left the room. Her frustration confused me because I thought that I was the radioactive, isolated, buoy bobbing, and near depend-wearing person! “What she so mad about?” Upon her return, she handed me a brown bottle labeled Magnesium and the instructions and left the room with her voice trailing, “I’ll be back at 1645.”

“Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry.” Proverbs 19:15 NIV

...of non-fiction or science fiction?

15 minutes past the next hour, the Nuclear Med doctor appeared, wearing a nuclear suit. She instructed me to take my place at the “forbidden to cross” line. I had no idea what to expect and by this time, I didn’t even care anymore. Doc “Nuc Med” knelt down and raised her hands. She had one of those scanner thingies! I promise to you, I thought those things were fictitious! The crackling noise that they make in the movies, oh yeah, that’s real to y’all! But worst of all, she had that thing pointed at me, which meant that it was crackling in response to me!

Whooooaaaaa!

Doc informed me of my level being at 80 which attested to the uptake of the I-131 had been successful. In order to be released from the hospital, that level needed to go down to 29.something, (I forgot, sorry). The scan would be repeated one more time in the evening before she went home. She asked how I was feeling and with a shrug of my shoulders I nodded. Granting me permission to speak, Doc asked if I was really okay and did I need anything from her before she left, but again, my response came forth non-verbally. On her way out, she suggested that I take my first shower and begin drinking water.

In the wait, I showered, watched television, ate & flushed lunch, drank water-hit the call button to ask for more water but the nurse told me to get it from the sink in my room, prayed, read a few passages and let my body rest. The sound of knuckles against glass disturbed my slumber. One of the nurses had come by to do her check. With her thumb positioned northbound and a questionable look on her face, I assumed that she was asking if I was okay so I nodded and reciprocated the gesture. Now awake, it seemed only right to surf some channels until my next scan.

"Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry.” Proverbs 19:15 NIV (It’ll make more sense tomorrow)

...of Bio Hazard

…so once I “got it together,” Homer’s co-worker carefully opened the armored container. Using minuscule tongs, he then lifted a vile and placed it inside a clear holder. Next, he inserted a white flexi straw into the vile, motioned for me to place my hands behind my back as he stepped back. Then he motioned me to drink. Hesitant, I dropped my head forward but I know it had to be the Lord Who bent my back in order for my mouth to reach the straw because I just stood there with my head dangling as if it were broken.

I drank.

Surprisingly, it was tasteless! Oh, I forgot to tell y’all about one of the “DO NOT” steps: DO NOT remove your lips from the straw until coached. Its purpose was so that the vile could be refilled with water for me to also drink. When I finished drinking the radiation, “Nuclear Man” used a syringe to refill the vile with water. I drank, he refilled and I drank. Then finally he refilled it a third time and I drank. His hand motioned me to step back. I’m sure I saw blobs of sweat on his forehead as he attentively gathered the vile, placed it back into its carrying case and then putting the straw into a plastic bag branded with the words, “Bio-Hazard” in bold red letters. The man closed the door to my room after he backed the cart out and I, again, fought tears.

“When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed. Our mouths were filled wit laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The LORD has done great things for them.’ The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.” Psalm 126 NIV

...of I'm not cut out for this kind of work

…because the person pushing the cart was dressed in a nuclear suit! The Nuclear med doctor backed out of the room as the person and cart came further in. Through my sobbing, I said, “What are they going to do to me?” This question had actually been directed to God, but Dr. “Nuclear Med” peeked only a bit of her head back inside and answered, “It’s all just precautionary.” I’d gotten tired of all their precautionary measures that they had not counseled me about. It’s just not normal to casually explain to someone, (mainly me!), that radiation will be put into their body as if it’s no big deal but then put them, (me), into a “bubble room” without explaining before hand, (did I indicate that already?), only to further affront me by sending Homer Simpson’s co-worker into my, “They can’t be serious” world… again, WITHOUT WARNING! (Sorry, did I verbalize that again?)



Anyway, you darn right I cried!

Scared, angry and defeated.

If this is what it takes to build this “temple,” I’m done…

“…’Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work.’ Then David gave his son Solomon the plans for the portico of the temple, its upper parts, its inner rooms and the place of atonement…David also said to Solomon his son, ‘Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished’…” 1 Chronicles 28:1-20 NIV

…until I thought about Anton, our children, my mother, and my Christian Brothers & Sisters. They were all doing their part in the building of this “temple,” praying with & for me, spiritually & physically feeding us, some even cried with me- and I couldn’t let them down…

“The divisions of the priests and Levites are ready for all the work on the temple of God, and every willing man skilled in any craft will help you in all the work. The officials and all the people will obey your every command.” 1 Chronicles 28:21 NIV

...of I don't have a clever title today! :(

..Instead, the Nuclear Health doctor entered the room apologizing. She mentioned that whomever checked me in had placed me in the wrong room. Sooo, she escorted me to the room in which was more fitting for me.

At least that’s what I assumed until we walked in the room!

My knees buckled at the sight of everything being cellophane wrapped!

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

Well, not the floors. Those were covered with that white paper that’s usually on examining tables. The telephone, drawer handles, nurse’s call button, sink, toilet and even the bedrails were tightly sealed with clear plastic casing! I became slightly dizzy as my heart’s tempo picked up and I stepped back a little. Doctor “Nuclear Med” noticed, so she “caught” me by placing her palm on the small of my back and told me that it was all precautionary and easier for cleanup.

I felt the urge to cry, but I fought it.

After confirming which things would be left in the room with me, the doctor told me how the radiation would be studiously administered and again educated me on what to do when the radiation arrives:

*When radiation arrives, DO NOT cross “this line.” It will be brought to you.

*DO NOT touch the straw! Place your hands behind your back and with one effort, consume all of the liquid and then take four steps back.

*DO NOT open your mouth for one hour. No talking, eating or drinking! (Dude, I’m in a room by myself, whom will I audibly talk to! Maybe that was a trick to get me admitted to the 5th floor. LOL)

*If you vomit outside of the toilet within the hour, put these gloves on, pour this charcoal over it, sweep and flush it. Call nurse to notify me.

*If you have diarrhea within the hour, call nurse to notify me. However, if you have not had a bowel movement in the next 6 hours, call the nurse to notify me.

*I will come back in one hour to check the radiation level. DO NOT cross "this" line and DO NOT open your mouth until I leave the room.

*Although not recommended, you may have visitors. However, they must check in at the nurse’s station first so that they can receive preventive attire. (She must have forgotten that I had to do this ALONE!)

*A nurse will periodically knock at your door to check on you. DO NOT open the door. Just signal “OK” if all is well.

Now for my personal responsibilities, (although I believe I mentionedsome of this here):

*Drink plenty of water, (Ahhh, I left it in Sister “J’s” car! So the doc had a nurse bring in a cup and small pitcher of water for me), when you think that you’ve drank enough and can’t drink anymore, drink more anyway.

*Food will be served on paper tray. Discard it “here” when you are done.

*Flush all uneaten food.

*DO NOT open the transfer door until signaled to do so, (food, new linens and new gowns were placed here to avoid contact).

*Shower and wash your hair at least three times daily and/or after each bowel movement or upon profuse sweating.

*Flush all excreted body fluids, except blood. If for any reason you bleed, “Are you menstruating?”
“No”
“Okay, good. But, if you start or hurt yourself and bleeding occurs…” call a nurse to notify me. We have a special disposal course of action for human blood, (Human blood? What other types of blood would they have in here? Hmmm, faintly scary! LOL).

*Try to keep busy and it’ll pass by quickly.

I complied with the regulations, signed paperwork, received an I.D. tag, :) and was told that she would have the I-131 brought in. Ten minutes passed by when a cart pushed it’s way across the threshold of my “Plastic Fairy-Tale Land” with what reminded me of an armor-locked parcel on top of it. The next sight provoked my moaning and meltdown of tears…

“…Now we know that if the earthy tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling…We live by faith, not by sight…” 2 Corinthians 5:1-10 NIV

...of a sitcom proposal. What'cha think?

The sixth floor of the hospital looked way different than the other parts I’d seen. It was not as congested or noisy. Everyone had a purpose and they fulfilled it. A nurse checked me in, escorted me to a room and encouraged me to get settled in by unpacking my belongings, (though all I had was a Bible, lemon candy, panties and socks). She also told me to don the hospital gown that had been draped across a chair and assured me that the doctor would not be long. Minutes later, a doctor came in, addressed me by name, but not mine, and told me that the procedure would be quick. The recovery, however, wouldn’t be. I actually listened to all he said, not to be nosey, but because his voice’s tone and pace expressed that he did not expect to be interrupted. At his closing remark, “Do you have any questions for me?” I said no and that my name is Larie Norvell. He flipped the papers on his chart, looked at me, the room number and back at his chart. Then we engaged in an awkward conversation:

Doctor: “Who are you?”

Possible identity thief: “Larie Norvell”

Doc: “You’re here from where?”

Me: “Misawa”

Doc: “For what?”

Still not the patient he’s looking for: “I-131 and Whole Body Scan”

Confused Doctor: “You aren’t ‘Patient X’?”

Larie Norvell: “Noooo…”

Uncertain Doc: “Are you the only one in the room?”
The waves of my forehead and quick scan of our surroundings, prompted him to recreate his question.

Doc, possibly frustrated by now: “Are you the only patient assigned to the room?”

Sassy ‘Rie, (fleetly looking at the ONE bed in the room): “Uhh, I guess? No one was here when I came in.”

Doc: “May I see your I.D. bracelet?”

Amused Larie: “Didn’t get one.”

Doc: “I’ll be back!”

Well, he never- came- back…

“A man finds joy in giving an apt reply-and how good is a timely word!” Proverbs 15:23 NIV

...of my Rescue Raft

…“The reports show that your TSH level has come up significantly since we last checked. It is currently at 56.”

His body language wasn’t so hard to read now. Clearly it shocked him. He had not expected my TSH level to come up. Dr. “Endo” admitted to thinking that it wouldn’t have even come up 2/3 of the way since I, mistakenly uninformed properly, had not been following the appropriate diet, (page 2 of 4), in the allotted time for such treatment. My doctor curiously asked if I’d done anything that he could use as reference for other patients who may encounter the same problem and I was thrilled to pieces to tell him of my faith & that God is my true physician. Before I left his office, full of confidence, he inquired about my place of worship and I headed to the 6th floor to begin the I-131 radiation treatment.

“…‘You of little faith,’ He said, ‘why did you doubt?’ And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, ‘Truly You are the Son of God.’ When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to Him and begged Him to let the sick just touch the edge of His cloak, and all who touched Him were healed.” Matthew 14:31b-36 NIV

...of, I do not know how to swim

Over the remainder of the weekend, I met a few other members of the Lord’s Body and attended morning & evening worship service. After the morning worship service, I called my family. Our oldest child asked me if I wanted to come to her house, heartbreaker. Anton then informed me that she had pooped on herself four times since I had been gone. I guess all the changes had caused some regression in her. Anton also told me that our son had begun crawling…ON THE EVENING THAT I LEFT!!! Now that’s just rude! The Sister I spent the day before with suggested that I spend the night with her so that she could take me to the hospital in the morning. I quickly accepted because I agreed with her reasoning that spending the night alone before having radiation treatment and having to be shuttled to the hospital would be “inhumane!” :)

In the morning I arrived at the hospital, hiked to the lab for blood work, then reported to the Endocrinologist’s headquarters. He needed to meet with me to so that he could notify me if my TSH level had come up to the required level of 50 so that I could start the I-131 process or to tell me that it was not where it needed to be and that treatment would be rescheduled. Dr. “Endo,” emotionally retarded, crossed the threshold of his office. His body language could not be read. I had no idea what to think, and because of this I noticed that I had begun to sink. My heart raced. Panicking, I whined at Jesus, “No Lord, please don’t let this have to be rescheduled. I wanna go home!” The doctor made his way around to his seat and he sat there for an hour in silence, staring at my paperwork. (Okay, not really, but it seemed like a REALLY long time! tee-hee)

Barely making eye-contact with me he said…

“During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples say Him walking on the lake, they were terrified. ‘It’s a ghost,’ they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to the: ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.’ ‘Lord, if it’s You,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to You on the water.” ‘Come,’ He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when He saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him… Matthew 14:25-31a NIV

...of Anton's love

After communicating with the cashier from the Base Exchange, I spent the remainder of the weekend with a Sister who worshiped with one of the local congregations. She took me to the swap meet where I saw a t-shirt that read,
”You Never Know How Much You Need Jesus Until He’s All You Got.” I stood there, staring and briefly pondered its fitting meaning while whispering to myself, “Amen.” About an hour later we left for the salon.

While I waited for my Sister-friend as her beautician transformed her hairdo, I started feeling uncomfortable. The salon doubled as a barbershop as well. Therefore, a plethora of varied species from the opposing gender filled the tiny waiting area. Masculine aromatics teased my body. It began responding in ways that ought to be reserved for Anton. The young man sitting next to me, innocently, became my secret lover. I turned my head just a bit so that his odor could be deeply inhaled by my olfactory senses. As I inhaled, my eyes closed and I saw myself “with” him. My foot began to tap and I forced my head back into my personal space. “This ain’t cool. Quit it!” I yelled to myself.

My lustful thoughts were combated with prayer, singing and journaling. At last try, I asked for the keys so that I could remove myself from that scene altogether. When I spoke to Anton later in the evening, back in my room, I admitted the mental adultery, (…But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart… Matthew 5:27-30 NIV), I had with “Barber Shop Lover” to him. Unangered and confident, he thanked me for telling him, we prayed and offered each other a good night...

“…The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband…Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.” 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:6 NIV

...of obedience

…and to purchase a few more items for my hospital stay, MY “STRANGER,” SHE WAS THERE! For “some reason,” her register had no one waiting, but the other two cashiers had an overflow of customers…hmmmm!

Just as I approached the checkout, another customer came as well. While she placed her items on the counter, I told the cashier that I had come back to pray for her. Then, more customers flocked to her register! Of course I began to chicken out. I “heard” satan wickedly laughing at me, saying something about me being too scared to pray now that other people had come around. He was right. Thoughts of what the other customers may think flooded my mind as well as the possibility of offending someone. I considered letting all the customers go ahead of me and then wait to pray for her.

18 November 2005
“Praise the Lord! I am feeling so good & I am not even going to act like I don’t know why. I feel good because I prayed before I even attempted to get out of bed! I laid there & had a talk w/my God before I did anything else. I found a contemporary Christian radio station so I’ve got that flowing thru my room. I also started to fast last night. I asked God to give me a spiritual cleanse. I know that He will cleanse & feed me. I told god that I don’t want the distraction of good & TV to hinder me from learning His lessons. I am confident that my Father will spiritually feed me & that is what I need. He will provide & sustain me. Thank You Father, thank You. I know I’ve just begun this fast, but I see a difference just in the way I started my day! I’m ready to do His work. Lord use me, Lord teach me, Lord let me serve You & others. I got to talk with ‘Ms. Cashier’ again. I prayed for her while she was ringing my stuff up. She was very appreciative. She gave me her phone number & we talked. Her info is on the following page. I feel awesome. I hope I can help her. I am writing her info down for the elders so hopefully they can help her. She is off on Tuesday but I may still be in the hospital. But even if I’m not, I will not be able to be around her. We plan to try & get together tomorrow or Sunday after work.”

Because of our telephonic communication that evening, “Ms. Cashier” told me that she had been facing many troubles at work, her brothers and sisters were against one another, and she longed to be a faithful Christian but she had always been scheduled for work on Sunday and could not attend worship service. She also shared with me that she needed to understand the Christian life and know if God will answer her prayers. We talked until a little after midnight. With God’s word, I did what I could. I presented it to her just as it is, without the book of “Larie” in it or my opinions. What God says is good enough; all I needed to do was aide my “stranger- friend” in knowing that for herself.

“Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field.’ Matthew 9:35-38 NIV

Disclaimer: After proofreading, I realized that my journal entries might throw some people off because of its grammatical errors. However, please understand that when I pen my words, I do just that. My mind is focused on getting the words out. When I go to present it to others, I do the necessary editing. However, for my journal entries, I have elected to present them to y’all just as they are, (with the exception of not naming anyone outside of our household), in an effort to remain uninhibited. Remember, I am a Christian, not perfect.