Hmmmm, don’t know if it’s proper to say that I’m making a comeback; I wasn’t gone that long nor did I “fall off,” I just had to take a break. All in the course of merely a few short weeks…
Professional Culinary Arts training has ended for various reasons, but I care to only discuss one right now, the one that really matters; I want to be with my family. My youngest child is 3…enough said. It was pretty selfish of me to have tried to attend school 182.08 miles away from home at this time. As I write, I glance across the table at my baby girl while she’s eating a pancake that she doused with syrup, such a cute sight. I need to be here.
I want to be here.
About two weeks after I returned from school, I found out that I was pregnant and that my thyroid level had been off which caused other health issues. Honestly there were mixed feelings. Another child was wanted, just not until the completion of school along with the certainty of my marriage continuing. Well, since it ain’t about my plans, we prepared ourselves for a brand new baby and the reconstruction of “US,” but 4 weeks & 3 hospital visits later, we were not prepared for the loss of another child. Baby only made it to 9 weeks.
I still want to be here.
Writing & cooking seemed to require too much effort during the beginning and I wondered if I truly had been devoted to either at all. I still thought about both and desired to do both, but I just couldn’t. My emotions go into both, so I dared not to offer myself to anyone in the state I found myself in…especially not my cooking. Also with cooking, being that I was not able to stand for long periods of time without having a syncope episode, that could have been dangerous. Of course morning sickness, which is actually ALL-THE-TIME-SICKNESS, came to visit me. After a while I started feel like I needed to write, so I did, but posting anything was not an option, I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the computer for anything.
I’m okay with all that has occurred, in the sense that there is a purpose and sure that it will be revealed to me when I am ready to receive & appreciate it. Do I hurt? Well yes, but I am okay.
Now, at the core of getting back to normal, “My Heart Speaks…”