My heart is ready to be relieved of it's constipation...
I was very disappointed with myself while I was in Virginia. I knew that some of the things I was saying and doing were not right, but I was more concerned about "fitting in" with my family more than being the peculiar person that God wants me to be, (1 Peter 2:4-12). I was not an imitator of Christ either, (1 Corinthians 11:1). Above all, the most disappointing thing that I realized about my conduct was that I was loving my family more than Jesus, denying Him and who I really am, (Matthew 10:32-39).
This post would not be much help if I did not expound. I cursed my brother, sister and a friend with my words. They thought nothing of it; well I assume this because they did not say anything to me about it. I was just being "Pookie," the girl they knew back 7 B.C. I also cursed them with a not so friendly finger gesture. And no, we were not mad at one another, that is just how we "communicate." Ya know it's kinda like that thing where girl-friends refer to one another as "Bitch," excusing it by saying, "Oh dat's my gurrrl. It ain't even like dat. We tight.!" Wow, how dumb I was in saying and believing that.
I wrote them all a letter asking for their forgiveness and apologizing for my contradictory behavior. I explained to them that I was not giving a good example of living for Christ by letting unwholesome talk come from my mouth, (Ephesians 4:29-5:4). I also told them about my not being peculiar God's way was wrong and that I wasn't supposed to be worried about not "fitting in" with them anymore, referring to Matthew 10:32-39.
I haven't heard back from them, but I didn't do it for that reason, so it doesn't matter. I closed the letter with;
Starting Over,
Pookie
Tuesday
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I am proud of you for recognizing that. I too have that problem when I get around my family. I revert back to that old person who should have been dead. I think being overseas and away from them we get complacent. It is easy for us to be "Christ like" when we around those who are Christ's. I think that is why I want to stay overseas. I know Christ is in you and this is one of those "trials" you will overcome.
ReplyDelete"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives you all literally and without reproach and it will be given to him. James 1:2-5...I love you my sister and I will praying.
Bless your heart. I have to remind myself OFTEN not to compromise my walk for anyone. May God keep you as you start over. I'm so thankful that he's a God of ANOTHER chance.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been hard being around them and having that old nature come out. So glad you're starting over. It's so good to serve a God that will let us start over again.
ReplyDeleteBTW....my nickname if "Flip" I got a cousin name Pookie :)
It must have been hard to write them, and to admit your sin here. ((((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I cringed when I read your words... and *tears* came to my eyes.
Pookie? love it *smile*
btw..I miss opening up your blog to the other song
I love you,
Mommy Vonnie