...of my cluttered mind

In the conclusion to “When will you, Larie, learn?” part 3, I forgot to mention another lesson that I need to retain. Even in my stubborn & disobedient ways, God looks past that for the moment and allows me to humiliate myself. Now, I knew how much money I had when I went to the commissary, however, I went in without regard to that. I did not have a calculator, I didn’t mentally take note of what I was spending and nor did I even attempt to jot down a few prices on the partial list that I had! Irresponsibly, I just tossed things into my basket according to the so called “special prices” and my cravings.

So, when I got the total and did not have enough, what I deserved was the overwhelming task of deciding what could be put back and the guilt of knowing that some store associate would have to re-shop those items. However, in spite of my blatant disrespect for our budget, God showed me His mercy through “Ms. Bagger.”

I may have mentioned that usually, if this happens, I just whip out a debit or credit card and pay the difference, but this time I didn’t have either to “rescue” me. I’ve become so comfortable in knowing that if my cash runs out, I’ve got two back-up plans. When in actuality, there is no back-up plan because my husband trusts me to plan a menu and shop according to the allotted budget. Anton does not go ballistic when I use my cards although I shouldn’t. He just simply asks me what happened to the budget and how much I had to use the card for, and I have to admit that this is why I have not been obedient to our budget. I’m not excusing or placing blame elsewhere for my behavior, it was totally disrespectful of me to do this, but I am just pointing out that I have taken advantage of my husband’s easy-going nature and that is wrong of me. Today is time for another commissary trip and yes, I have a menu that agrees with our budget for the next two weeks!

Next, I want to tell you all what I think I learned from our laptop. It’s been “sick” for a long while now and neither Anton nor I could figure it out. Finally, after getting frustrated that it would not be available to accompany me to a conference at the end of the month, I solicited a Brother’s help who worships with us. We gave him the laptop on Sunday evening and on Tuesday afternoon he called to tell me that it had over 500 viruses on it!!! He stated that it’s the worse he’d ever seen and it took him 12 hours to clean it out!!! Our computer-savvy Brother mentioned that we’d allowed the virus protection program we had to expire. Now once he explained all of that, I realized how simple the problem was; why didn’t Anton and I figure that out?

So, the lesson in it is this, I think, when I get to acting’ a fool and Anton calmly asks, “Are you okay baby?” I begin to “trouble-shoot, “ only to figure out that I have no idea what the problem really is so I tell him that I don’t know and throw my hands up. Noticeably, situations will “pop-up,” (that just seem to have no relevance at all, mind you), and just when I get so frustrated to the point of hitting “control-alt-delete” but still not getting any results, I decide to just “shut down” and not be used. Of course, that’s when Anton gives me over more earnestly to God in prayer. When this happens, I am in terrible shape! My Father spends innumerable time with me getting’ rid of the “viruses” that plunged in as a result of the “filters’,” (times of solitude with God, studying His word to become better, etc.), expiration. I just hope that I do not ever become so “unfixable” that God gives me over…Romans 1:28.

Lastly, here is a photo of my self-hair cut, A.K.A. mushroom, bowl-cut and “WHAT-WERE-YOU-THINKING?” I took this photo while on the phone with my sister because she asked me to send her a pic. When I take a picture of the “Auntie Saved It” hairdo, I’ll post it as well.


  1. Oh yes, there's always a lesson to learn! I saw your comment on Lysa's blog and wanted to say you are not alone in comparing yourself to the world. It's a huge struggle for me as well. I pray all goes well as you prepare for She Speaks, Jill

  2. Larie: What a blessing to have a husband who prays for you!

    You are wise to draw lessons from life, but don't try too hard to figure everything out--- some things just happen because we live in a yukky world!

    Love, Jen

  3. I hope your shopping trip goes well!

  4. Girlfriend, if we don't learn anything else, we do learn that's the point of the budget, right? All smiles though. We live and learn. Hubby and I makes out the grocery list and as crazy as it sounds, we put how much the item cost the last time or how much we think it will cost. If we know of anything that we just want on the list, we add that too and bring up a total of how much we anticipate on spending. Going over is not an option because we don't have a going-over-the-budget-option.

    I've cut my own hair plenty of times, probably more times than plenty, but it works itself out in the long run. How true of how we see ourselves as the virus, hope your computer is back up in no time. Peace be unto you.

  5. What a good lesson to learn!
    When ctrl+alt+delete doesn't work, I am quick to move on to unplugging the power cord and battery.
    How much better to make sure the "anti-virus" program is doing it's work.
    Yeah - when I need to be alone with God to have Him fill me up, I can announce "I'm going to my room to run anti-virus software on my heart!" *grin*

  6. I loved your computer analogy at the end.

    You have to let us know how this grocery shopping trip goes! Good luck and catch those sales (but within your budget)! LOL! :-)

    Oh yeah, don't forget to look for coupons too for the items you plan to purchase.

  7. Great analogy at the end!

    I am pretty much in charge of the finances here so I'm always the one worrying about money/budget and asking the questions. Anton sounds like a great husband!

  8. What an AWESOME correlation between the laptop and your life - quite brilliant actually.

    By the way, the Swindoll quote can be found in his devotional "Come Before Winter" and I highly recommend it!

    Smooches back at ya babe! :)


Y'all's comments are overwhelmingly encouraging. I appreciate them very much. They motivate me to continue being myself. Smooches!