...and he said that he didn't think so.
I left his office a little discouraged. If my TSH level did not come up, the I-131 procedure would have to be postponed which would then make my stay in Hawaii longer. After stopping by the library to send Anton an e-mail, I went outside to wait on the hospital shuttle that would take me back to my room. While sitting there, it began to rain. It wasn't hard rain, but just a really light droplet type of rain. Even so, because I did not want to become wet, I repositioned myself.
Then, I noticed something that prompted me to journal again:
17 November 2005
"As I stand here awaiting the arrival of the shuttle back to Hickam, it started to rain, well not rain like we usually see, I don’t know what to really call it because the sun is still shining, it’s not dark & gloomy, cold or wet. People aren’t even using umbrellas or running for cover. The birds are still chirping, I mean there are people sitting in the grass with the rain falling! I just saw a man pushing a stroller & he didn’t bother to cover or shield the baby. What’s going on here, am I not seeing something? I haven’t even heard anyone say awe man it’s raining. No one seems upset or bothered by the rain. It’s not hindering them, they’re pushing on despite the fact that it’s 'raining.' What’s wrong w/you people!? Don’t you know it’s raining, don’t you see it? But yet you persevere, you are pressing on to whatever you’ve got going on next. Okay there’s something wrong w/me. I would have grumbled and ran for cover, probably even told myself how stupid I was for not having an umbrella. Anyway, the rain is quite interesting. To me it’s weird, I guess cause I’m not used to it. I’m usually grumbling and trying to avoid going out in it. Everybody seems to be fine & okay with what’s going on. I think I should be learning from this. I see how GOD has watered this island with this small amount. He’s giving it just what it needs, not overwhelming it, not pouring out much. Not more than it can handle right now, for He knows what the island needs. He knows how much water, well, rain it can stand. Did I just learn my lesson? What am I feeling, what am I thinking? I feel happy, but I’m amazed at this rain & the people’s reaction or should I say non-reaction. Not one person moaned, they just went with what was going on. Can I do that? I moved from the bench cause I was getting wet, I tried to get away from the 'calamity' these people are embracing it and not letting it get them down. They see beauty in it, or so I assume, why should it be okay for them to get wet? Same reason it should be okay for me to have given birth, three surgeries, leave my family for an unknown amount of time, face my fear of cancer, fear of flying, & my fear of being alone. Because GOD is in control & if I truly believe that & trust in Him then I too can walk in the rain w/o an umbrella and keep pressing on although it’s raining. Just as He poured out the amount of rain He knew the island could handle right now, so He gives me my 'rain' in my life where I can walk in it & not grumble, I can see the beauty and press on. GOD is my umbrella, & now I truly understand what, 'GOD will not give us more than we can handle' means. Thank you Father for putting me here at this moment. I know it’s because there was a lesson to be learned."
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." Psalm 19:1-4a