...of Who, has the control

…as the Nuclear Health doctor continued to explain the necessary preparations for I-131. I needed “lots” of water, (yes, I had to supply my own), to help flush the radiation from my body. They told me to shower 3x daily or any time I had a bowel movement or sweat profusely. After each shower, change bed linens and hospital attire. Breakfast, lunch and dinner would be served to me; however, I had to dispose of any uneaten food by flushing it in the commode. All body fluids as well had to be flushed, (this one threw me off a bit 'cause I wanted to ask what else would I do with it-but upon further clarification it was made known that they were referring to tears, saliva, blood, and/or nasal discharge). Just in case I was not able to make it to the toilet, they showed me how to clean my “mess” up by using the charcoal that was in my room.

No personal items were allowed in the room with me unless I wanted to “donate” it to the room upon my departure. Whatever I entered the room with, besides my glasses, would not be cleared to leave with me. Seriously, I had to throw my panties away when I left! That’s a story for later.

They answered my questions and adieu until Monday morning. I went to the hospital’s library and wrote in my journal…

17 November 2005
“Sitting in the library in the hospital. Waiting for the dining hall to open for lunch & then my next appointment @ 1330. My blood level was not high enough for them to clear me for treatment on Monday so I had to have my blood drawn again. I go back at 1330 to get the results & they may decide to give me a dose of something to raise it. I am proud of myself because I did not become discouraged with the news. I prayed w/a smile on my face & joy in my heart. I told God that I was okay w/this because I know that I am not here for the treatment because He has already healed me & cured me of Cancer, I believe & know that. I know I am here for a spiritual cleansing. God is molding me, teaching, training, using, preparing & disciplining me. He’s wanting me to grow. I know that I am here to be made complete, mature, & not lacking anything. I submit to this because I want to be God’s instrument. I am here to serve Him & His people! I really am okay. I am pleased w/the way I feel.”

After 1330 appointment:
“My other blood work came back & my TSH level was at 34. I have to get a neck scan tomorrow & blood drawn again on Monday morning to check the level again. I told Anton about my weak flesh. He’s so good to me. I love being able to talk openly w/him. Oh boy, this is going to be some good reunion sex!”

During the 1330 meeting with Dr. “Endo,” I learned that I was not supposed to have been eating any processed or canned meats, no shellfish, and little to no iodine beginning two weeks prior to arriving in Hawaii! Well, since I did not know that vital piece of information, I’d been on a normal diet. Ah-ha, now the Endocrinologist knows why my TSH level is so low! “Today” is Thursday, the 17th of November 2005 and my radiation treatment is scheduled for Monday, the 21st. In order for me to begin this treatment, my TSH level has to be at least 50; right now, it’s at 34. So I asked my earthly physician if my level could come up enough by Monday to start the radiation…

“This is what the LORD says: ‘Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:5-8 NIV


  1. Okay I sadly admit that this all shocked me. I don't think I've been reading your blog long enough to know what's going on. Can you nut shell it for me as I'm not sure I'd be able to find the right post to find out.
    But it looks like prayers could be used and sent on your behalf my friend. So know that even though I don't know the details, our Lord does.
    Big hugs to you my friend!

  2. Aha, reunion sex! LOL

    Seriously, what a journey. I can't even imagine, but I love how you used it and accepted it and allowed God to mold you through it. Beautiful.

  3. This post was confirmation for me. The scripture text you used was the second time I heard it today. I am being constantly reminded to trust the Lord.

    I love that you are so authentic in the middle of a struggle that would make so many give up.

  4. Wow, Larie, your strength really shines through in your journal entry - that is truly encouraging. If I ever go through a trial like that, I pray that I might be half as strong. I can't imagine having to feel so "toxic" that I gotta throw away my undies!!!! :)
    I love the comment about reunion sex, it's always refreshing when I don't feel like a freak for totally enjoying being with my man! LOL

  5. Prayers for you!!

    Thanks for your visit to Family Fountain and nice comment on "Woe is Me." I hope it was encouraging to you. Certainly the context of that post was not about the situation you are having to endure.

    I'll be getting a copy of Roaring Lions to you. I just have to find your address. It's in a looooooooooong list of emails.


  6. Larie, I simply LOVE wathcing this transformation which took place in your heart! How awesome to be able to look back and record the way God led you from tears and fighting to sweet surrender.
    Thanks for taking the time to write it out. You are an inspiration. You are His instrument.
    Love you,

  7. Wow. I never knew the precautions that people had to take for that kind of treatment. Sounds like the dear old journal and the thoughts of reunion sex kept you going...of course with God's help! :-)


Y'all's comments are overwhelmingly encouraging. I appreciate them very much. They motivate me to continue being myself. Smooches!