As I said, my prayer for patience did not end at the diagnosis & treatment of Thyroid Cancer. God knows better than I, being my Creator and all, so through depression, He continues my maturation process.
Three weeks after returning from Hawaii, my life appeared customary. I returned to previous activities without interruption, my energy level was abundant, I became more involved in ministry works and my menstrual cycle had become regular. So, my mother headed back to Virginia saying, “Oh, you alright. I can go’ on back home then.” Not having a thyroid and as a result, being dependant on synthetic hormones had not attested to be all that the doctors hyped it up to be. Everything was breezy for me. I said, “I don’t get it. What’s the big deal?”
Soon after, I began to feel zapped of energy, strangely sad, cranky, useless, unmotivated and like a sexual abyss. Some days I needed to cry, but didn’t know why. Therefore, I held back the tears because I didn’t want to give an, “I don’t know,” answer when questioned because I feared that I’d be thought of as crazy. My forbearance level had disappeared as well. All the typical things that toddlers and infants do irritated my every ounce of sanity. Poor Anton, he began to feel as if I didn’t like him anymore. He also brought to my attention that I acted as if he, and the kids were in my way; like, I only put up with them because I had to. With strangers, I had been quite curt. I didn’t know what was going on.
Aloud, I spoke that I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling nor did I want to act in the uncharacteristic way that started to manifest. However, my actions & words established otherwise.
“A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.” Proverbs 26:24-26 NIV