...of journaling the journey

23 March 2006

“Father forgive me for being deceitful to my husband last night. I cam home from Aerobics wanting to have sex w/him but then I laid down w/"First-born" & became tired & my stomach was hurting, I guess from eating & then lying down. Anyway once I got up, I wasn’t really tired anymore, but I wasn’t much in the mood for sex anymore so I hurried into bed so he would think that I was still tired. I could have just told him that I didn’t feel like it.”

29 March 2006

“What is my problem? Why I gotta have a problem? Anton asked me that this morning. He said I had disgust on my face when "First-born" came in the room this morning. Well I guess I did. No, yes I was disgusted because I was not up yet. Not dressed, had not prayed & had not had any time for self. But so what, did I have to roll over & look at my precious daughter, my first born like that? NO! I should have been smiling & ecstatic that God has blessed us w/another day together. I should have recognized that as another opportunity to get it right. So what, what if I was not ready to get up forget it no need to dwell on it. I’ve prayed & now it’s time to let God do His work. Anton gave me too much credit when he said I am the best example of a good wife. I am dishonoring him right now. I am a disgrace to him & his claim. Have to live what Anton preaches. I am not a slave to satan any longer, get away from me & my family! I have no need for you. I need GOD! I am God’s slave, I am God’s servant, I am God’s vessel, I am God’s instrument. I will be used for good & testimony to God, God’s glory & power will be evident in me! Leave me alone satan, I am the LORD’S child! I am Yours Father God, I am Yours!”

31 March 2009

“Okay I finally started my prayer journal in a notebook, so now this is back to my personal journal. I did okay today, but of course there is a lot of room for improvement. I am trying to control my attitude. Anton thought I didn’t’ want to be bothered today in the commissary because of how I was acting. I need to be careful of that. I was just focused on the mission. I really need to be getting to bed. I am still on my quest to an intimate relationship w/God first & to become a better helpmeet & better mother.”

“As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.” Proverbs 27:19 NIV


  1. Thank you for being so honest and transparent. I am not a morning person, but my wonderful husband is. I tend to wake up grumpy. I am trying to work on it and your post today really made me think. I need to work harder.
    Blessings, hugs, and prayers, andrea

  2. Thanking God right now that He has empowered me to respond to whatever comes my way in His power instead of my own emotions. Help me Lord to lean on you.

  3. I like what you said about being happy that God blessed you with another day with your child. I admit that sometimes I am frustrated when my child wakes up throughout the night or too early and I feel like I hadn't had enough sleep or time to myself. That statement you gave is something that I can replay in my head when those times occur. :-)

  4. Larie: Aren't our husbands great mirrors to tell us when we need a little shining? I love your candor. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

    Bless you,
    Audience of ONE


Y'all's comments are overwhelmingly encouraging. I appreciate them very much. They motivate me to continue being myself. Smooches!