The sins of another person are never about “you.” I use to question myself concerning Anton’s pornography and encounters with other women; “What am I not doing to make him do this? Why aren’t I woman enough for him? Why can’t he be faithful to me? I’m his wife, he owes it to me!”
I have realized that my concern was for me, not Anton’s soul. My concerns were selfish, when in fact none of it had anything to do with me at all. This is Anton’s race. I’m supposed to be the spectator, rooting for his successful completion in first place, and when he needs water along the way-I got it, (“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own burden. Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.” Galatians 6:1-6 NIV)
So you see, self-entitlement has no place in adultery. Do not beat yourself up by trying to figure out if you are the cause or what you can do differently. IT’S-NOT-ABOUT-YOU! Also, if you are the casualty of adultery, (pornographic or third-party involvement), and you long for it to stop, your reasoning should be Christ-centered. I’m not saying that your feelings do not matter because yes, there are times I still fall back into self-entitlement where Anton’s first commitment, which is to God, is not my concern, but we all have to remember that our goal is eternity.
“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:13-15 NIV