...of my Ass shouldn't be talking

After cashing in his Roth IRA, Anton was ready to purchase his airline ticket to Hawaii. BUT, the next morning, when he’d planned to do so, he was offered the position of Dorm Manager. He had inquired about it a few weeks earlier but heard nothing about it. Anton was told that if he still wanted the position he needed to start Monday; the same day we were going to leave for Hawaii! I knew, but didn’t understand, that Anton had to stay and accept the position.

I became angry and withdrawn.

On the scheduled departure morning, anger consumed me even more. I felt like God was being mean to me; He knew that I needed Anton with me. “Anton has always taken care of everything. I can’t do this without him. I need him there! Whose gonna take care of me?” Silly girl, I had it twisted. I tried to hold to the story of Balaam and his donkey, Numbers 22:21-34, that a treasured Sister had shared with me.

Two nights before my flight, I shared my feelings with “Sister Treasured.” Gently reproofing me, she had me read aloud Numbers 22. Upon completing the passage, she helped me to understand that all the “hiccups” causing Anton not to accompany me to Hawaii, was my “donkey.” She, (my “donkey”), saw the LORD’s angel in the road so she stopped. After administering the final “beating,” which was cashing in the IRA, my “donkey” opened her mouth and said to me, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” Numbers 22:28 NIV I told her that I needed to get to the way that allowed Anton to go to Hawaii! Again, my “donkey” spoke to me and said, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?” Numbers 22:30 NIV

I evoked the past two years:

1. God sent Anton with me to Okinawa for the birth of our first-born. We were there for 70+ days! Anton’s orders stated that he was on a Permissive TDY!

2. God allowed me to deliver our second child in Misawa, our home station, which meant that I didn’t have to go back to Okinawa!

3. God gave Anton 7 days of convalescent leave after my gallbladder had been removed!

4. God sent our entire family to Yokota when I had the goiter removed, also labeled as a Permissive TDY!

5. God extended Anton’s Permissive TDY when we were told that I had to have the Total Thyroidectomy!

My being “alone” throughout my medical journey had not been the habit of God. Yes, Anton to travel with me each time before. Yes, Anton physically took care of everything. Yes, Anton did calm me down before & during airplane rides. But what I did not understand was that God allowed Anton to travel with me, God equipped Anton to physically take care of everything and God used Anton to calm me. However, I had become dependant on Anton. My trust had been in my earthly husband, not my Heavenly Husband.

The time in Hawaii was God’s set up for me to cultivate trust in Him, our relationship. I needed to build my own faith. The time had come for me to know God. My “donkey” could see the Angel of the LORD in the road when I didn’t. She knew to get off the road, press my foot against the wall and finally, lie down under me when no room to turn was available. Amidst my ignorance, was also frustration, but I knew what needed to be done.

I had to get on that plane.

In order to receive my healing, spiritual that is, (oh yes, I soon learned that I was not going to Hawaii for Cancer healing at all, but something much greater!), I boarded the aircraft, afraid. (More like possibly in need of professional help terrified) On this flight I penned my first journal entry that would later permit others to hear what, “My Heart Speaks…”

“The angel of the LORD asked him, ‘Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would have certainly killed you by now, but I would have spared her.” Numbers 22:32-33 NIV


  1. Isn't it amazing how we think we got the final word...but then there is always a ram in the bush...uh, or should I say a donkey.

  2. Um, can I just say that I would gladly get on a plane to Hawaii to find my spiritual legs! LOL. It's the one place I would actually fly to. Because I hate to fly.
    But in all seriousness, I am so glad that you heard from the Lord and that you are truly learning from this experience.
    Big hugs.

  3. Such a great post.
    Our heavenly husband. As a single mom I so rely on this.

  4. I so agree - with God, this issue is often not really the issue!
    That is, when we think we're going in for one thing, God is often working something completely different. And so much better!


Y'all's comments are overwhelmingly encouraging. I appreciate them very much. They motivate me to continue being myself. Smooches!