...of I'm that type of chick who gotta be sure

Anton had not been pressuring me to make a decision about taking an Anti-Depressant. Instead, he occasionally inquired about my feelings towards it. Righteously, I told him that if I were really depressed and needed medication, God would let me know. Perception after the fact, I know that it frustrated Anton, but he chose not to say anything more about it; I needed to learn on my own.

She had arrived! The woman whom I begged God to send for me came to Misawa in August of 2006. So how come I didn’t know this until 2007? The family, consisting of 6 members, attended morning worship service and introduced themselves. After evening worship, the wife suggested that she and I get together and talk. She said all this with an inviting smile and a sincere touch on my arm. A bit freaked out, (what could she possibly have to talk to me about after arriving so recently?), I told her that we were about to leave for vacation so I’d see about it once we returned. Avoiding this Sister until I could, “figure her out,” became an obstinate purpose when we got back to Japan.

3 months later…

22 November 06

“Oh Father God. Encourager, LORD is it Sister ****** who You have chosen to provide comfort, companionship, encouragement, guidance and example to me? Have You, LORD, chosen Sister ****** for me to trust the issues of my heart with? Is it her LORD who You want me to look to as my spiritual role model? Have You chosen Sister ****** to use for me? Father I ask You to please LORD reveal her true heart & true intention to me. Show me LORD that she is trustworthy & here to do Your work. LORD I’m hesitant, don’t know why, well yes I do, I see a pattern w/the people I choose, the are not on my level, not trying to puff myself up, but I want to learn & be encouraged. Not discouraged. So LORD, this time I’m letting You choose, but please LORD You have to make it clear to me, blatantly clear. I give this over to You, if this relationship is part of Your will, make it happen. As a matter of fact, I’m turning all my relationships over to You, I’m going to let You God make the relationships, just please allow me a clear vision to see it. Amen

Cocky huh? Also very ignorant because I truly had no idea what I was petitioning the Lord for! Not once did I seek to find out what I could do for this family. Nevertheless, God, (in between His laughter I’m sure), cultivated the relationship…

“Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of Him. ‘What is it you want?’ He asked. She said, ‘Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at Your right and the other at Your left in Your kingdom.’ ‘You don’t know what you are asking,’ Jesus said to them. ‘Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?’…just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:20-28 NIV


  1. I had a gal come up to me in church once and tell me how guilty she felt for taking an antidepressant. I asked her if she would take medicine if she had strep throat or a headache and not feel guilty about it, and she said she would take it and wouldn't feel bad about taking it.

    I said that it was just medicine and she shouldn't feel guilty for taking it. Some people do feel bad and guilty as if they are just not trusting the Lord enough. It's a physical thing and God made doctors too!

    I know that years ago when I started suffering from anxiety attacks, I determined not to feel guilty for taking medicine for it. The Lord taught me alot during that time and He was (and is) so very faithful!

  2. Larie, you have such an insightful heart. I like your statement that "Not once did I seek to find out what I could do for this family." We all tend to do that, see how someone might serve us. But, not all of us catch on to how we are viewing a relationship so one-sidedly. I tell people who want to know what they can do in the church, "Find someone who needs you, and be there for them!"

    I also like momstheword's comments. Very good.

  3. I am generally a very untrusting person and it takes time for me to open up to people. I would have probably reacted the very same way.

    Sorry I've been missing for a few days.

  4. I've often thought of people God sends my way and some of them are sandpaper to smooth off some of my rough edges. :O)

  5. I'm glad God sent someone to you, to encourage and comfort and admonish when needed.


  6. Thanks for being REAL and (1) "coming out" with mental health issues, which are every bit as serious as physical health issues and (2) sharing your experience so we can learn to both listen and ask the Lord.

    Your blog has encouraged and illuminated!!!
    Love the music, too!



Y'all's comments are overwhelmingly encouraging. I appreciate them very much. They motivate me to continue being myself. Smooches!