…while my mother and I were out shopping, “Lavern” called mommy. They chatted for a bit while I tried to ignore the nudging I felt to speak with her. God had supplied the opportunity, just as I’d asked, but I wouldn’t take it. Due to a signal loss, mommy had to call my sister back.
“OKAY, LORD! FINE! I’LL DO WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO!”
Into the phone I spoke apologetically. She listened. We didn’t see or talk to one another for a week; one day before Anton, our kids and I were scheduled to return to Japan. During that week, however, I did talk with her boyfriend to express my concerns and I apologized to him as well.
Thanking God for always proving Himself to me in spite of the fact that He doesn’t have to, I acknowledged to my Father that my sister’s relationship was hers. The two of them were involved, not the three of us.
10 August 2006 (Request)
“Father in heaven, I beg You to open my sister’s eyes & give her wisdom to make the decision to not live with her boyfriend, not to marry him, & not to date him. Lord please reveal to her, I mean please reveal him to her. Open her eyes Lord Jesus please. Bless her w/the wisdom to him. Open her eyes Lord God to You and Your will for her. Jesus Lord I am begging You to please Lord remove “Daniel Green” from my sister’s life. Father please, Lord please”
29 August 2006 (Request/Update)
“Father please after you remove “Daniel” from her life, please lead her towards a Godly man. A Christian man who wants to please You & who is faithful to You. I pray that he would lead her to You & she too will do all to please You!”
25 January 2007(Update)
“It ain’t about me Lord. Your will be done. Your will! I submit & apologize for my selfishness.”
My sister is no longer with the aforementioned man. Happiness and sadness ripped through my body at this news. I was happy because the Lord did reveal “Daniel” and they are no longer together. But sadness boiled in me as well because of how he was revealed and the hurt that it caused my sister. The sadness had also been a result of my burning desire to proclaim, “I-TOLD-YOU-SO! I TOLD ALL OF Y’ALL SO, BUT YOU DIDN’T LISTEN! Y’ALL THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY AND JUST PICKING ON A MAN WHOM I DID NOT KNOW LIKE YOU ALL!”
They were right, I didn’t know him like they did; I knew him for who he really is.
Okay, what does this have to do with my depression? Well, this was the first time that I would acknowledge that something wasn’t right about myself. I still hadn’t called it depression; rather, I blamed it on a hormonal imbalance because of my Thyroidectomy. My carefully guarded defense mechanism had been altered; is this who I really am? Larie was loosing control; outburst, rage, willful disobedience and self-abasement arrived uninvited.
“A hormonal change doesn’t change a woman’s soul; it just tears down her carefully constructed defenses against expressing the carefully guarded content of her heart.” Chapter 6 p.59 Created To Be His Help Meet Debi Pearl
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7 NKJ