The unfortunate disappearance of Larie C. Norvell continued as a mystery upon returning to Japan. It had been verified that Larie began feeling as if there were no purpose for her. “What do I do that another woman can’t do for my family?” she questioned. Sadly, Mrs. Norvell felt as if she did not belong with her husband of 9 and ½ years or their two children; she alleged herself as, “Unworthy of them.”
26 September 2006
“I feel like I don’t do anything spectacular. Anybody can be a housewife. I feel like I’m just doing what is expected of me. Now I know I shouldn’t expect and honorable banquet, but dang, do what I do matter to anyone? But why should I even be saying this cause I don’t verbally or non-verbally appreciate Anton. He says I take him for granted. Why am I no longer happy as a wife, mother, housewife, person, friend, sister, daughter, or me in general? New Thought; I’m afraid that I will ruin Anton. Anton has a wife, but he has not found a good thing. He doesn’t enjoy the wife of his youth. I’m not enjoyable. I’ll never be the woman he wants me to be. I’m too selfish and full of hate & I don’t know how to let go of the past. I bring him more pain, & sorrow than I do good & happiness. He cannot trust his heart w/me. I am not resourceful. I am not a wife of noble character. I am not worth far more than rubies, I’m not even worth glass. If I am wrong Lord, please help me find my worth and be the woman You created me to be. Help me dear Lord please to rid myself of thoughts of leaving my family to another woman who is worthy of Your blessing & of Anton’s love to have. Help me please to be worthy to Anton & not ruin him. What is wrong w/me what do I want?”
13 October 2006
“Saw a friend in the commissary today and we talked about the stormy whether. She said, ‘It’s always pretty after the storm.’ I have no idea what else she said to me after that.”
“Sweetie, please make an appointment to speak with a doctor about your health. Maybe your synthroid needs to be adjusted.” A dear Sister-in-Christ, who I revered as my spiritual mother, mandated my visit with the Internal Medicine. She even printed a surplus of information from online to help me prepare myself with the proper questions and comments for the doctor! Anton accompanied me to the appointment.
18 October 2006
“I went to see the Internal Medicine doctor on the 16th & she told me that I am not on a high enough dosage of synthroid. She also suggested Anti-Depressants for my mood swings. I will not take Anti-Depressants. I will pray to God, leave it to Him to do the healing & allow Him to be my Anti-Depressant. I am afraid to ask for prayers because I do not want to be questioned about what medication. Father give me the confidence to solicit prayers and have no one question me, but hear & answer our prayers Lord.”
22 October 2006
“Mark 12:18-27 I really would like & need to focus on verses 24-25, here on earth right now, this is the only chance I have got to get it together! I am not depressed! The Lord is my ROCK!”
24 October 2006
“I’m lying on the floor listening to Michelle Williams’ CD, ‘Do You Know,’ & crying & praying. I do not like who I am right now. I’m asking God to help me. I don’t even know what to pray for. I feel bad for the way I feel. I get all ‘psycho’ & then act like nothing happened, but feel shamed that I acted that way. I just want to get up & leave but can’t. I’d miss Anton & the kids but I feel it’d be best so that they will not go thru this anymore. I don’t know why this has to happen now w/everything else going on; Anton is about to start school, he’s preaching, he’s waiting on his replacement at work & not wanting to go back to Phase, & we are trying to get our finances together. Oh, ‘Caroline’ & I are about to start the class. I need Jesus.”
“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; He lifts His voice, the earth melts.” Psalm 46:4-6 NIV
Wednesday
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Once again, you say what others are or have gone through with such openness. Thank you! :O)
ReplyDeleteI believe we all go through questioning our lives. I question myself all the time and I admit, I have been depressed a few times but thanks for sharing your journey with us.
ReplyDeleteThe struggles of faith are ongoing but the blessings of perseverance are mind blowing! :)
ReplyDeleteI have felt this same way at times. Ashamed that I haven't been a noble wife or mother. I guess we can either wallow in our shallowness, or take hold of what God is holding out to us.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the old adage "Look for the good" applies here. List some of your good qualities and God-given gifts. And then thank Him for them. Focusing on the good will surely drive out the bad, no?
Larie, I love you, and I thank you for your open sharing. I have had many of the same thoughts and questions as you have posed here. And I know I fall woefully short of being that Proverbs 31 woman. But for some reason God still loves me, and His grace carries me forward.
ReplyDeleteWe are in His hands. And we can trust His love. Thankful to be on this journey with you.