...of part 10

26 July2006

“Today I’ve decided that I will not be a slave of satan. He will no longer control my attitude, actions, thoughts, or words. God is in control. I have surrendered, I can not do this w/o God. I have decided to make being positive, thankful, joyful, content, & to smile a habit in my life. I’ve heard that it takes 21 days to establish a habit. So for the next 21 days I have a piece of paper to carry w/m at all times to remind me of these things. Written on the paper is Day 1, (changes w/each new day), My first calling; God, Anton, and our children. Smile! Thank God for EVERYTHING! Find the good & praise it! Practice having a merry & thankful heart! Learn to enjoy life! When I catch myself becoming irritated or distracted at circumstances, stop & laugh at the little things I ALLOW to steal my peace. I have come to realize that my peace & joy can not be stolen unless I allow it to be. Satan can not control me unless I allow him to. So no more! I will make it w/God!”

11August 2006

“We are in VA. God allowed us to come. We’ve been here a week already. Satan has messed w/us already. And of course I succumbed to him. He attacked our marriage & had Anton & I all over each other & I don’t mean sexually. I’ve had an attitude off & on, not towards Anton, but he got the attitude from me. I don’t like “Lavern’s,” (my sister), boyfriend “Daniel.” I’ve prayed for God to remove him from her life & now I am just waiting to see His work!”

29 August 2006 (still in VA)

“Why is satan messing w/me so much here? Why am I so weak & allowing him to have his way w/me? God is more powerful & I know this, so what’s the problem? What is wrong w/me?”

Our visit in Virginia ended about four days after the journal entry on the 29th of August. By that time, I felt as if I’d really “lost it.” My sister and I had an argument about her boyfriend, (I straight up told her & him that I didn’t like him and why. Neither of them liked my opinion of course), that caused us to not speak to one another for a week and a half! She didn’t come to my parent’s house where our family was staying during that time either. We hadn’t seen each other since September of 2002 and we acted like kids. Though my mother never said anything verbally, she blatantly expressed to “Lavern” and I how disappointed & hurt she had felt about our behavior. I called my sister a few times to apologize but she wouldn’t answer her cell phone and when I called the landline, her boyfriend always said that she wasn’t there. I prayed for an opportunity to make it right. That same afternoon…

“I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for Myself as a temple for sacrifices. When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among My people, if my people who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. Have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.” 2 Chronicles 7:12-16 NIV