...of seeking nurturing for my roses

I also “ignored” the adulterous rompings of my husband because revenge or no revenge, I enjoyed the pleasures of adultery as well. I can try to place the blame on revenge all I want, but it’s still infidelity that I pre-meditated. At times I questioned if I were worse than Anton since I spitefully plotted rendezvous with other men.

I was confused.

Because of this, I questioned my getting upset about another woman’s scent emitted from our roses. How dare I become upset when a masculine scent, (that did not belong to my husband), emitted from the same roses as a result of my choices!

In a more confused state of mind, I attempted to justify my matrimonial unfaithfulness by saying that I had been looking for that someone who loved me. That someone who could make me feel worthy. There had to be some male in this world who desired me in an untainted way. I was looking for affirmation. Couldn’t some guy let me know that I was loved and worthy of the best? How did I expect to such wholesomeness in the grimy way I was doing it?

Silly me, placing such potential on those who couldn’t deliver…only my Lord can do such a thing. Sadly, I did not know this then. Therefore, I sought it out from 4 errant men.

“Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure. For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man’s misery weighs heavily upon him.” Ecclesiastes 8:5-6 NIV