...of Positive Side Effects of Depression

Overcoming depression has been my focus for Depression Awareness Month 2013. I figured since I told you my entire diagnostic story and how I struggled with it in the “When a Girl Prays for Patience: An Epoch of Depression” series, I thought it would be fitting to share an optimistic side of depression…conquering it.

I admit, even though I am out of depression, I still feel it trying to creep back in. However, because I’ve been there and done that, I am able to recognize the symptoms and take action. When I first felt myself slipping back into a depressed state, I became angry, worried, and scared. I even felt like a failure; I doubted and thought that I couldn’t be fixed.

My anger showed up because I felt good, I mean I actually felt good and I could look back, find some worth in it, and encourage myself. I worried because I thought that maybe I’d done something to set myself back. I thought, “Did I become prideful and forget where I’d come from and therefore needed to be knocked back down?” (1 Corinthians 10:12) The fear I felt stemmed from me thinking that perhaps the lesson at hand hadn’t been learned, so therefore, I would have to go through it again and believe me I do NOT want to go there again.

So to you who are in depression right now and just can’t see it getting better and are feeling as if no one “gets it,” STOP IT! I, Larie, get it—I’ve been there—I made it through! There is relief but you have got to DESIRE it. Will it be hard…YES, and that’s all I will offer to you for now because honestly that’s all that I believe matters in this case; knowing that it’s going to be hard before going in, it helps knowing what to expect.

For you who have CRUSHED depression but feel it creeping back in, don’t beat yourself up. Pay attention to what’s going on around you that you are allowing to make you feel that way. Acknowledge what you are feeling and decide if you want to go back, stay put, or keep moving. It will also help if you speak up and encourage those who are still going through, and when you do, be real with them. Do not let your time in depression be in vain.

...of A Little Step to Overcoming Depression

“Happiness is really not just about your circumstances. Happiness is about the intentional choices that you make every single day.”

Bestselling Author, Life Coach, and Speaker Valorie Burton offered the above nugget of wisdom in her Happy Women Live Better Webisode on Monday, September 30th, 2013. She then went on to share a few, what she calls, “Happiness Triggers,” one of which is anticipation. Valorie says that having something to look forward to each day can trigger your happiness. Here’s my stamp of verification:

During my depression, happiness seemed nonexistent. Most days I sat around feeling zapped of energy and hopeless. After sending my children off to school all I had to look forward to was getting back in bed, fighting with an overload of thoughts racing through my mind, and randomly crying because of my situation and feeling inept. One morning while grocery shopping, I decided that I didn’t want to buy a week’s worth of food because I thought I just wanted to hurry home and get back in bed so I purchased about two days-worth of groceries and said that I’d just go back when I needed to. So a few days later, I was back in the store and did the same thing, and then again days later.

No kidding, after only two weeks, I realized that I felt better once I got home and ended up not getting back in bed. Then within a month’s time I noticed that I was finding other things to do while I was out and once I got home I didn’t feel like getting back in the bed. So I made the decision to shop little by little every couple of days, (this also helped me to stop wasting food but that’s another post-lol), because it gave me something to look forward to that also caused me to be active. It didn’t have to be anything “big,” just something to give me a push which helped me in two ways:

1. I got out of the bed and the house!

2. I didn’t feel overwhelmed with shopping and with having to put a lot of grocery items away once I got home, (feeling overwhelmed was one of my depression triggers, it just made me feel worse, like dysfunctional).

I shared this in light of it being Depression Awareness Month. This year I am focusing on the awareness of overcoming depression because it is possible, I know this from experience and want to encourage “you” to not give up. Yes it’s hard and I felt like it wasn’t possible even still while I was overcoming and things were looking good, but it happened.

...of I Crushed Depression

I-am-excited that it's Depression Awareness Month! My excitement comes from that place on the other side, the place where you are able to look back and thankfully say, "Wow, I did make it through." Many people told me that I would, but I saw them as spectators just cheering me on who didn't really understand what I was battling because they hadn't personally dealt with a depressive disorder.

I promise you that there were hundreds of times I thought depression would overtake me; it would become who I am. Can you imagine how emotionally daunting that was? I wanted to be happy, energetic, and optimistic, but I felt as if I couldn't. I didn't like the way I felt and wanted to change it. However, it seemed impossible. It didn't help that I noticed something was "wrong" with me and couldn't change it. I felt confused and asked, "If I know that I'm not happy and I want to be happy then why is it so hard for me to be happy?"

It has taken three anti-depressants, four Therapists, one Psychologist, one breakdown, two trips to the Behavioral Health Unit, countless prayers from others and pitiful lamenting from me, (lol), along with family and friends trying helping however they could. Even through all of that, one of the things that really did it for me was being forced into having to get better; I experienced a loss that came with the threat of also losing my children and, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

Another reason I got better is because I realized that I had to actually desire it, not just want it, D-E-S-I-R-E it. Want and desire are used interchangeably quite often, but for me they really are two different things. When I want something, I only think about it and may even utter a few words concerning the want; it "forever" remains a want-thought. Now when I have a desire, it's more like an urge that grips & pushes me. I begin to feel insatiable. Therefore, that desire becomes tangible because I ACT on it. Once upon a time I only wanted to not be depressed, but then came the time I DESIRED to not be depressed, did something about it and now I'm no longer on anti-depressants!

So to "you," I've literally been there and done that, heck, I even have a souvenir, so don't give up because it can happen...

The Fatigue

Yesterday was rough for me because I was so tired. After I dropped "Janelle" off at school I put a load in the washer and gave myself permission to take a nap. I slept for four uninterrupted hours, which is a big deal for me. However, once I got up I began to feel as if I were behind. I started beating myself up for not doing my homework or at least checking in to class, pitching my books and t-shirts, promoting the Good Life Girlfriends event, or posting something encouraging. So for the rest of the evening I sat like a zombie watching the Lifetime Channel because I had now overwhelmed myself with just thoughts! So now not only was I physically fatigued but also mentally fatigued and then everything becomes consuming and all I feel like I can do is nothing but I feel guilty for not doing anything.

Can anyone relate?

Depression Awareness Month

In lieu of it being Depression Awareness month, I’ve decided to keep our conversation on depression for the remainder of the month. As you all know, my business is always about depression awareness so I was quite surprised that I missed that there is a month dedicated to it. October 11th was designated as National Depression Screening Day but don’t let that deter you, you can get screened anytime. It makes me happy that depression is being recognized. Depression can be lonely and confusing a lot of times so to have this support is helpful. I found a nice article at WebMD offering tips on improving depression.

Larie’s Awareness Tip: Managing your depression helps to manage your inner shopaholic. Didn’t know that? Well you can learn more from me about impulse buying being linked to depression in December at the Good Life Girlfriends’ Women’s Day Celebration & Workshop in Raleigh, North Carolina. This event is hosted by Sista Sense in association with Project P.U.S.H., Katrina M. Harrell, My Heart Speaks, and Tax Chick. Visit the website for complete details and registration.

I Use to Be Ashamed

This week at the My Heart Speaks Facebook Fan Page we’re back on the subject of depression. Depression is a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

Until I was diagnosed with depression in 2007 I thought it wasn’t real and that anti-depressants were really placebos and now here I am five years later diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder plus on two anti-depressants. When the Internal Medicine doctor said to me that not having a thyroid meant that I was no longer able to produce certain hormones, I held on to that as an excuse for my depression. My thinking was, “Well if I still had my thyroid I wouldn’t be depressed.” So I didn’t own depression. In the beginning when I was only on one anti-depressant and when questioned about why I was taking Zoloft®, my automated response was, “It’s just a supplement because I am no longer able produce certain hormones on my own since having my thyroid removed.”

I was ashamed and didn’t want to accept that I’d been diagnosed with the very thing I had been so adamantly against…talk about a humility lesson. I didn’t want to be just another statistic and be treated differently. Now that I know depression is real and how “lonely” it can be, part of my mission is to bring awareness to depression, eliminate the stereotypes associated with it and reach out to others who battle with depression and provide a non-judgmental forum for discussion and emotional support.

Join me; comment, ask me a question, answer a question, or share your story to help others.