,,,of Recognition Requires Action

Hey! I was reading through my blog and came across this post, click here. I remember being full of enthusiasm for my self-love campaign and working with other girls and women to do the same. I allowed myself to fall back into looking to others to fill me with love, confidence, and a sense of value. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but I do recognize that it happened. Now I also recognize that I do not have to remain in a self-loveless state and continue to "beat myself up" about falling out of love with me. However, there is something awesome about my self-love; I control it, therefore I can get back to it.

So with that noted, a step forward to loving me required that I separate myself from my husband of 16 and 3/4 years. Yes it hurts, sheesh, we've been together since I was 16 years old and I am now 35 which means he's been a part of my life for over half of it and we have three, soon to be four children, but, I do believe that for the greater good of me, our separation is necessary. I never set boundaries for myself or us so things just kind of hung in the balance while I naively asked, "Why?" and further allowed whatever to be just be.

I took action to correct my problems and will continue to do so because I finally know that I can only control myself and part of controlling myself right now requires me to focus on the next biggest thing to happen in my life next...the birth of another son in less than a month...woo-hoo I'm so excited and ready to hold my new baby and really interested in seeing his siblings interact with him because they too are excited!

...of news reporting

BREAKING NEWS…

Both mother and son survived the separation caused by the first day of school!

Four-years-old "Cameron" Norvell, of Eastern North Carolina, was returned to his mother yesterday at approximately 1430. The two eagerly smiled at one another while racing into open arms. Larie Norvell, the “victim’s” mother, immediately asked him, “Do you want to go back again or stay home with mommy?” Mr. Norvell replied that he would like to go back to get his blanket from the cubby.

During a later evening research, Mrs. Norvell discovered a notebook labeled, “Communication Log.” Upon opening it, she read that "Cameron" had had a VERY good day up until naptime at which point, what was described as “Missing Mommy Tears,” began to flow. Larie states, “I am a bit concerned that I was not called. I know how adamant my son can be when his feelings are hurting. "Cameron" told me that he was told by one of his teachers that she would take care of him. Maybe that’s the best way to handle it rather than calling the ‘fickle’ mother who was looking forward to school-days for her son but began to express some uncertainty when the time actually came.”

"Cameron's" mother has assured that there will be no charges filed for the compensation of lost comfort that can Only be provided by a mother, concerning "Cameron" Norvells’ tears. She has also stated that she will use the next four days, before her son has to return back to the installation on Monday, to better prepare herself as well as "Cameron" in lieu of shortening the apron strings.

This is, I Am Not Perfect, reporting for “My Heart Speaks…”

Back to “you,” fellow bloggers.

...of "Cameron's" going to school now

Have you ever been so excited that you became frustrated that whatever your excitements’ cause made you cry? How about being so excited that it seemed as if you were crested with caffeine? Or maybe your excitement had you not thinking clearly. I, not personally, experienced these feelings this morning.

"Cameron's" first day of school is today. He was so excited that the waiting time frustrated him. Tears formed in his precious eyes and he asked, “Why it haf to take so wong for my cwass to come?” Trying not to show my irritation as a result of his frustration, I told him that it was not 0830 yet. Of course he asked me the time!

My son, my “Lumps,” sprinted through the house this morning eating, brushing his teeth, washing his face and getting dressed. He even had the audacity to go through his backpack to make sure that I’d put everything in there! His tenaciousness caused him to check his backpack, ensuring that I’d put everything in there! "Cameron's" rapidly changing of gears warranted my questioning self; “Were the eggs I used this morning laced with caffeine?”

Once 0830 FINALLY arrived, I told my son that it was time and here comes his teachers. Oh boy, he did not know what to do with himself! Poor thing, his mind was so clouded that he tried to get out of his car seat although it was still buckled. “Cameron-man, you have to get unbuckled first.” You would have thought it was his first time releasing the thing because of all the racket he was making! My man-child, …”With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.” Genesis 4:1 NIV, vaulted from his seat as if he’d hit an eject button and frantically began to search for his backpack that was ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF HIS SEAT!

We got it together and approached his teachers and classmates. The only son that I have right now, turned to me and said, “Bye mommy! See you waider!” "Cameron" then walked away seemingly with no fear or uncertainness; he was ready, this is what he wanted. After I got in the truck and started to put my seatbelt on, I heard my little boy’s voice, “Mommy! I forgot to give you a hug!” YES! Priceless! His mama needed that!

Jesus’ mother, Mary, treasured things about her Son in her heart. Now that my son is in school, being about the business of expanding his learning and, (this I am positive of because I’ve witnessed "Cameron's" crusade for God), being about our LORD’s business, I understand what the seasoned mothers meant by telling me to treasure the time that my blessings were home with me. Now, I too like Mary, can treasure these things in my heart.

“Why were you searching for me?” ‘he asked.’ “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what He was saying to them. Then He went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But His mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. Luke 2:49-52 NIV

"Janelle" cried when "Cameron" got out of the truck! Awwwww



"Camerons'" first day of school

...of school days

"First-born" has left for her first day of 1st grade. For the past few weeks I’d been very excited, but now that it’s here and she is gone, I’m wondering what the excitement was all about. She decided that she didn’t want to go because they do not take naps in 1st grade. How dare she! This child DOES NOT like sleeping at all. She finds every possible, and impossible reason to stay awake until she literally passes out, but now she wants to nap! Yeah right. Maybe she’ll tell me the real reason later.

"Second-born" starts school tomorrow…

...of her being like me when she grows up

Wednesday is the last day of school! Our two oldest children will be going to my parents’ house on Saturday for about two weeks. Then, I will have all three of my kids home with me for a few weeks before the older two go back to my parents’ house again. I’m almost ready for summer break.

What I mean by that is, I’ve been revamping their chore chart, Bible reinforcement activities and service projects. I really am excited. Not having our oldest daughter here during the day has actually not been as good as I thought it would be. We’d planned to home school but I was not willing to make certain sacrifices. Now, I’m sorry that I didn’t.

She has been influenced negatively as a result of my selfishness. It saddens me that I am no longer the person she wants to fashion herself after. I am not convicted to the point of deciding to home school for the next school year, but, I am going to make some changes over the summer and continue in them throughout the school year until I get out of my own way and become willing to make the necessary sacrifices.

“…They trusted in Him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God.” Daniel 3:28 NIV

...of growing up

When the phone rang last night, I was not expecting to hear, “Can I speak to 'Evelyn'?” My response was delayed, but I asked who was calling. The voice on the other end told me her name, I giggled and called my little big girl to the phone.

As I handed her the phone, she had a questionable smirk on her face and she then said, “Hello?” I went to the bedroom to wake Anton up and told him what just happened. He laughed and said, “That’s your daughter!”

You know, I’m not upset that she is getting phone calls, I am in, “ my little-girl is becoming a big-girl disbelief.” She got her ears pierced two weeks ago. She’s been putting her hair in a ponytail by herself a couple of times last and this week because I put two-strand twists in it and it’s easy for her to manage. She received her first yearbook today and now, she’s getting phone calls!

WOW!

...of dehydration

Why am I sad that my eldest child is going to school?

When I had her here with me, I ignored her and screamed for a break. I pushed her affection away, now it will not be available to me as often. Selfish mom, I am, made her, my FIRST-BORN, a priority not.

She was left to herself, but THANK YOU JESUS, that she has not been foolish and disgraced me, (Proverbs 29:15), for You made her special, touching her with Your gift! She possesses Your loving, merciful, graceful, and forgiving attributes. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND THANK YOU LORD JESUS for my Yanna-girl, my first-born and forgive me please for my ignorance and ingratitude.

"You don't miss your water until the well runs dry"