...of Change is Coming

that chill in the air

mentions a change is there

feeling some type of way, she screams, IT-AIN'T-FAIR!



another harvest season is approaching

if she regrets what she has sown, there won't be any boasting

further stifling all hoping



from harsh winds she takes no cover

so soon the leaf will bear its' true color

wondering if anyone will still love her



minding never 'cause it don't matter

for she has no image to shatter

but she gotta be ready for what comes after

...of Inner Battles

I read, "Often, when you are on the spiritual path, there is a war that goes on between the person you once were and the person you are becoming," on Iyanla Vanzant's Twitter page and thought about a letter to God from my journal on August 21, 2013: "Show me who I am." Well you know God is showing me right?

The overflow of my heart has expressed hopelessness, anger, and feelings of failure, so obviously that's what I have been storing up in me, (Luke 6:43-45). I've even given up faith at times. Mostly no good is brewing around in my mind, I don't like it and have even questioned myself, "Why would you think that? What's wrong with you? You know that's wrong! Is this who you really want to be?" Therefore, I began pushing myself to recite Philippians 4:8 and then pushed more forcefully to actually think on good things in order to override the revengeful, self-debasing, and evil contemplations. Man, (SMH), I admit, IT-IS-VERY-HARD, but I really do try. Now I feel that because I've taken steps towards the spiritual path, the person I was, (hopeless, angry, wavering on faith, and revengeful), is battling with the person I want to be, (hopeful, happy, content, and full of sincere faith).

It's a good fight, they both want to win and I just can't call it right now, but I did place my bet on my real self. ;-)

...of Taking a Break

I’m exiting cyber-world for an unsearchable amount of time. I’ve consistently mistaken one day for another while waking most morning’s hazily-pondering, “Where am I?” because I feel as if I’d slept in a cold Jacuzzi. Chasing supposedly experienced professionals for due recompense has left me mentally & emotionally exhausted; keep it.

But what really did it was when I stepped to our kitchen sink to beg of its’ liquid supply to make “Janelle’s” artificially-maple-flavored oatmeal only to further foolishly continue to breakdown her young temple by radiologic-ally making it supposedly edible; THE WATER DID NOT COME OUT! It only took all of an eighth of a nanosecond for that light bulb above my silk-scarfed head to illuminate, “U Didn’t Pay the Water Bill!”

I ran into our bedroom closet where the bills are kept. My right hand grabbed a stack of envelopes, (hoping not all of them were forgotten bills), and my left snatched up our checkbook. That stack included not one, but TWO final notices; water & electric! The cutoff date for the water was 27 March 12 if not paid in full by 5 P.M. the previous day. What’s even more saddening is that a few weeks prior when my eyes glanced over the Eastern Wayne Sanitary District’s envelope in the mail pile that “Cameron” brought into the house I thought, “Wow, water bill due again already? They’re sending them out early now; I’ll open it later.”

But off I went downtown to pay the water bill in person. I thought about not even telling Anton because I knew that the water would be back on by the time he’d gotten home but I wouldn’t allow myself to do that either. I didn’t want Anton to know that I’d screwed up the one thing concerning our house that he’d entrusted me to; paying the bills. I’m so glad that the mortgage payment is direct deposit! :/ Even though the shutoff date for our electricity isn’t until 09 April 12, it was still past due nonetheless so I paid that one as well. I mean I can’t believe that I’ve allowed myself to get so distracted by work that I didn’t pay our bills but all the time being proud that we’d been saving money, (or so I thought), and my budgeting tactics had been going well, but in reality our balance looked the way it did because I had not paid any bills!

*Yes, now it’s ok for you to laugh*

Then, once again, I'm not feeling well, and it just seems to get worse everyday but I do not get to see my Endocrinologist until 18 April 12 which was originally scheduled for 28 March 12, (which I found out the day before my appointment), but had to be rescheduled because my referral from insurance company had expired and I had to wait for them to issue another one which I just got a call back for on Tuesday stating that the referral takes up to 72 hours to be approved.

I'm tired y'all, actually exhausted & overwhelmed. I need a break.

Lastly, “Evelyn” has decided to step into the entrepreneurial realm and begin her children’s jewelry line; she’s excited, I’m excited. Therefore, I am putting more of me into my first-born’s ambition of celebrating & expressing herself artistically. I know what it’s like to have an idea, want to make the idea physically real, and then to have someone else be excited or at the least bit interested in that idea, but only to be told, “Shut-up,” “That so sound stupid,” or “What are you talking about?” or how about this one, (the most insane one), “You CAN’T do that.”

To sum it up, I need to slow down, not take on anymore tasks, enthusiastically & wholeheartedly nurse my children in their dreams, and focus. *exhale* Now, I’m not going into total seclusion, you will be able to find me AND my family at these forecasted events:

SistaSENSE
LIBERATE! Live
“Evelyn’s” jewelry launch at the Let Them Speak Teen Summit
It's Complicated '95 Launch in June 2012

smooches,

...of Stranger to Stranger

If I don’t know,
Then how is someone else supposed to know?

I can’t explain it,
Then how will another?

If I can’t give reason,
Then why would any other try?

I fear my feelings,
Why don’t you?

Sometimes I feel like more of a stranger to myself than a stranger is to me.


Simply,

...of Don't Call It a Comeback

Hmmmm, don’t know if it’s proper to say that I’m making a comeback; I wasn’t gone that long nor did I “fall off,” I just had to take a break. All in the course of merely a few short weeks…

Professional Culinary Arts training has ended for various reasons, but I care to only discuss one right now, the one that really matters; I want to be with my family. My youngest child is 3…enough said. It was pretty selfish of me to have tried to attend school 182.08 miles away from home at this time. As I write, I glance across the table at my baby girl while she’s eating a pancake that she doused with syrup, such a cute sight. I need to be here.

I want to be here.

About two weeks after I returned from school, I found out that I was pregnant and that my thyroid level had been off which caused other health issues. Honestly there were mixed feelings. Another child was wanted, just not until the completion of school along with the certainty of my marriage continuing. Well, since it ain’t about my plans, we prepared ourselves for a brand new baby and the reconstruction of “US,” but 4 weeks & 3 hospital visits later, we were not prepared for the loss of another child. Baby only made it to 9 weeks.

I still want to be here.

Writing & cooking seemed to require too much effort during the beginning and I wondered if I truly had been devoted to either at all. I still thought about both and desired to do both, but I just couldn’t. My emotions go into both, so I dared not to offer myself to anyone in the state I found myself in…especially not my cooking. Also with cooking, being that I was not able to stand for long periods of time without having a syncope episode, that could have been dangerous. Of course morning sickness, which is actually ALL-THE-TIME-SICKNESS, came to visit me. After a while I started feel like I needed to write, so I did, but posting anything was not an option, I just didn’t feel like being bothered with the computer for anything.

I’m okay with all that has occurred, in the sense that there is a purpose and sure that it will be revealed to me when I am ready to receive & appreciate it. Do I hurt? Well yes, but I am okay.

Now, at the core of getting back to normal, “My Heart Speaks…”

smooches,

untitled

i don't want to be...

i just want to BE

it doesn't fit your
expectations,
dreams,
goals,
or wishes for me.

and i ain't sorry for it neither.

yea i'm me,
Larie,
and i'm just gunna BE

...of A Foreigner in a Familiar Land?

I feel like a stranger here; yet this place is familiar to me.

Maybe I feel more like a visitor; stopping through, leaving with souviners.

Nah, an outsider; I know of these surroundings, but I don't know them.

Then again, maybe it's just my need for reconnection that's making me feel this way.

I miss this place, I miss my family, I miss your love.

Hello, it's me, Larie, "The Prodigal Blogger"

smooches,

...of I don't even know what to call it

Right from my heart, no fancy words or spell check. Through my tears. I messed up. I upset you I see, but it was not my intent. I crossed a boundary that I didn’t know existed. My bad, nah, never mind, not my bad, I’m not gonna apologize for how I feel. My feelings are not so hurt that I cry because of my feelings about the “situation” but because I’ve upset you so that you don’t want to me to me anymore this morning. Never, never have we reached that road! We never even walked that way! Man, I’m having a hard time understanding this place we are at right now. I’m gonna respect that you don’t want to talk to me right now, but know that I am itching to text or call you. But anyway, I’ll just wait for the time that is designed for us to talk again because one thing I do know is that this is not the end of us and I know that is why you specified “this morning.” Now there is where I knew of a boundary existing; us never ending it because of our disagreeing. That was our only boundary, or so I thought. We’ve always been able to express ourselves to one another, disagree, and move on, but never has it been like this, man! I love you and know that you still love me. Gonna take a nap now, ya know how you feel weak from crying, well, yeah, that’s me right now I need to lie down. I just can’t believe I did this.

...of seeing eyes are blind eyes

A young lady enters the worship assembly. Some of the “Saints” take notice of her choice of clothing. The well-meaning young lady has adorned herself in a skirt, which is a couple of inches too short, showing all her “business.” Her shirt seems too small and really too low; should it even be considered as a shirt? As she propels her body toward an empty pew, many of us sigh with thankfulness that she did not choose to seat herself among the “holiness” of our presence because visitors may get the absurd idea that we’re together.

How do we feel when the fact that the young lady has been visiting congregations for the past two months in search of Truth, (John 14:6), and while doing so she has encountered a plethora of obstacles is revealed? In spite of, she has continued through because she is in no doubt of what her eyes do not see, (“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 NIV).

Her most recent barrier entailed a house fire, which resulted in the total loss of her possessions. A neighbor was kind enough to provide what she could. Her humble provisions included the attire in which the young lady is dressed. The neighbor is much more petite than the young lady, hence the reason her garments seem “too revealing,” or so to our uninformed standards anyway. The young lady had purposed not to allow this recent impediment to be a cause of prevention concerning her investigation.

“He will not judge by what He sees with His eyes, or decide by what He hears with His ears; but with righteousness He will judge the needy, with justice He will give decisions for the poor of the earth…” Isaiah 11:3-4 NIV

Where is my sight coming from? What do I see? Can I see the unseen?

...of reversed ignorance?

Is it possible for someone to be so intelligent that they are very dumb? I know that may sound harsh, using the word dumb, but it’s the only word I can think of while I type right now. I don’t feel like using the thesaurus to fluff anything up right now. Frustration, hurt, anger and seeking revenge are all roaming about in my body right now. Yes, I know that vengeance belongs to the LORD, Romans 12:19, so please do not comment back with that. I am in need of something more than that right now.

Or, is it possible for someone to be so intelligent that they think everyone else is dumb? AHHHHHH, I just want to yell over and over again, along with the many other times that I’ve already voiced it, “I’M NOT STUPID!!!”

My life, I have shared with you all pretty transparently, but right now, I’m not ready to reveal what I’m allowing to make me “go off” like this at the moment. I do know that I will talk to you all about it eventually when my attitude is better, but for now, take what portion I have shared with you and talk to our Creator about His precious creation, (Larie), who feels frustrated, angry, hurt, vengeful, worn out, and defective.

Inspired by Matthew 12:34-37, from the overflow of Larie’s heart, her mouth speaks…

“hem dink me stewpid”

My thoughts, I may not articulate in a way that pleases your mental comprehension: BUT ME NOT STOOPID!

Da wurds I be speakin’ be messed up sometimes:
BUT I AIN’T STEWPID!

Just cuz you not getting what me trying to say:
DON’T MAKE ME STOOPID!

Hem said dat I don’t make no sense:
SO HOW DAT MAKE ME STEWPID?

Me just keep quiet cuz he be talkin’ like I ain’t got no clue:
BUT ME NOT STOOPID!

Is stupidity what I communicate to you?

Again, my thoughts may not be articulated into verbal context very well, (By the way, I am a writer, not a speaker!):
HOWEVER, THAT DOES NOT QUALIFY ONE FOR STUPIDITY!

Perhaps your mentality level is not compatible with one of my awesomeness:
BUT YOU DARE TO IMPLY THAT I AM STUPID IN YOUR ARROGANT TONE!

Sometimes, your explanations make no sense to me:
DO DAT MAKE YOU STEWPID?

...of realness

Just before class started for mid-week Bible study two nights ago, I was asked why was I so happy. It caught me off guard because I quickly began to think why couldn’t I be happy; what warranted that comment. Now, I was not and am not offended by that question. I just need to talk about it.

Sister ******, I know, was not being mean. She had a bright smile on her face, which I interpreted, as her being happy that I was so happy and she just wanted to know why. However, it was convicting.

Have I been walking around sullen?

Had I been complaining too much?

What had my body language been communicating?

Being real is important for me. When you ask me how I am doing, please do not expect me to give the cliché answer, “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?” If I’m irritated as a result of running behind schedule, I’m going to tell ‘ya! What about one of those days I let my depression get the best of me, you will know, ‘cause I’m gonna tell you that too! Maybe I’m cramping at the moment you ask, Larie will tell you that as well.

Yes, I know that my words must be spoken wisely, depending upon whom I am speaking with and I do. Sometimes I may respectfully respond, “I’m not doing too well but I don’t want to talk about it.” However, I will not tell you that I am fine when I am not. So maybe this is the reason that my happiness was questioned. It is the first time in a long while that I have responded to, “How are you tonight, Larie?” with a smile, bounce and, “I’m good! How ‘bout you?” I should make the effort to elaborate on why I’m feeling good as well.

Lastly, if I am not real with you about what’s on my mind spiritually and emotionally, how will you know what to pray for? How will you be able to encourage me? What specific help would you be able to offer. This flips right back around to you. If you are not real with me, (so basically, if we are not real with people, especially our Brothers & Sisters in Christ), what shall I pray for? How can I encourage you? Specifically, what can I do to help you?

The original topic kind of got away from me, but all that I just said still applies. Right? Make it work y’all!

"...Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other..." James 5:13-16 NIV

...of reflections

Over At the Well, today's topic is about our homes being an extension of who we are. Chelsey, Joyfully Living For His Glory, made quite a few sober points that caused me to reflect on some of the decisions that Anton and I have made concerning decorating our home.

Celebrating Christmas by setting a nativity scene in the front yard, wreaths on the door, or an elaborately decorated evergreen tree does not happen in our home. This decision was made because it dawned on me that we did not put nearly as much effort into our Christianity, who we are EVERYDAY, as we did into preparing for a day that is recognized once a year.

We celebrate the means of our salvation every Sunday by taking communion, but what preparations do we make for this celebration. Would anyone know this about us from our atmosphere

I refuse to have someone come into our home and recognize what sports team we root for, who our "favorite" entertainers are, which cartoon characters our kids prefer, or any other thing that does not reflect our proclamation of being the LORD'S servants.

Further Reading

...of Becoming a Woman of God part 2

Part 2
Becoming

Launching Question: What is becoming of a woman of God?

As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19

I. Now That I Know…1 Samuel 16:6-7



A. Genesis 1:27; created in God’s image
B. Repent: change my way of thinking regarding true beauty
C. Clean the inside of my temple; 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 & Matthew 23:25-28
1. What good is it to clean the inside when no one sees it
a. Matthew 15:1-20
b. Matthew 12:33-37


What’s stored up in that heart of yours, woman of God-becoming?


II. Why Did God Choose Mary


A. Luke 1:31-38
1. Mary only questioned how, in view of the fact that she was a virgin vs.34
2. She trusted & submitted to God’s plan by saying, “I am the Lord’s servant vs.38
B. Luke 46-55
1. Mary praised God w/a song
2. How?

III. Why Hasn’t God Used Me


A. How would I have reacted
B. I have used up God’s time on the physical

IV. Why am I exhausting God’s time on my outward appearance?


A. What image am I fashioning myself after
1. God’s image; Genesis 1:27
2. What does God physically look like?

I DON’T KNOW!!!

B. So what’s the image
1. Attributes
2. Galatians 5:22-23 & 1 Corinthians 13:4-8


II. A Becoming Morning


A. Spiritual Preparation
B. Psalm 51:10,15-17 & Isaiah 66:2
C. Psalm 139:14
D. Ephesians 6:10-18


So, I am becoming. I’ve had a change involving realization of potentialities, from God. He has told me what I can do to be beautiful. I had a movement from the lower level of potentiality to the higher level of actuality. I will put into action the potential God has given me!

1. My Sister, friend, woman of God, what is becoming of a woman of God?

2.



My Notes



(Day 2’s intro)-Now that you, woman of God, she who is created in God’s image-Genesis 1:27- So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them, know that it’s a heart issue, (1 Samuel 16:6-7); repent, (change your way of thinking regarding true beauty) & be about cleaning the inside of your temple, 1 Corinthians 3:16-17- Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple. Matthew23:25-28- “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. What good is it to do a cleaning on the inside; nobody sees it. Matthew 15:1-20. Okay, still don’t get it? Matthew 12:33-37. What’s stored up in that heart of yours, woman of God-becoming?

*Have you ever wondered why God chose Mary to be Jesus’ mother? How come He doesn’t choose me for His works, you ask?


Luke 1:31-38,46-55, Mary knew that she could have been stoned for being pregnant before marriage, however, after she asked Gabriel “How will this be, since I am a virgin,” v.34 (and I know we’ve all asked before…), & received her answer, she trusted & submitted to God’s plan by saying, "I am the LORD'S servant,” v.38. Then she praised Him w/a song, v.46-55! How is it that Mary was immediately able to trust God, submit to His plan & praise Him w/a song although she was having, “A bad day?” Praising God must have been habitual for her. And how can praise be habitual? By being a woman of God who stores up goodness in her heart. From the abundance of her heart, she praised God. What would have come from , (my), mouth? “Oh no you didn’t just come to me, an unmarried virgin, and tell me that I will be having a baby. Nope, I don’t care Whose baby it is! Don’t you know that I can be stoned for that? No, you need to find somebody else, cause I AIN’T the one!” I’ve used up God’s time working on this, (pointing to outward beauty). That’s why the Lord hasn’t used me! He wanted to use me, but I’ve exhausted that time, His time, that was given to me to prepare for His work, looking for matching shoes, an eye shadow to match my purse & making sure my hair was perfectly laid!

*Since I was created in the image & likeness of God, Genesis 1:27, what then am I fashioning myself after? What physical image do I have to shape mine? I DON’T! The image that which I was created from is not physical. It’s attributes. So what is the image of God, Galatians 5:22-23-But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. (Philippians 2:7-8)

Alright, let’s “redo” that morning. I woke up this morning smiling as I rolled over to pray. “Good morning & thank You my Heavenly Provider for giving me another opportunity to testify to the world of Your love & power. Another opportunity to reach the goal of becoming a woman of God; the woman You, fearfully & wonderfully-Psalm 139:14, created me to be! Which would be a testimony to the world. Thank You for giving me to Anton & trusting us w/"Evelyn"& "Cameron". Take my hand & lead me thru the day to glorify You. May I be in the abundance of Your strength to get thru the day! What is Your plan, dear Master, for me today? In the name of Jesus, whose blood has given me this joy, Amen! While making the bed I sing, Victory is mine…

Well good morning, I say when the kids get up! Did you sleep well? I’m so glad that God woke you up this morning. We sing This is the day, while getting dressed. On the way out the door we remind each other to let our lights shine & tell people that Jesus loves them. Do we have our belt of truth firmly fastened, breastplate of righteousness, feet in the peace of the gospel, our shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, & the sword of God, Ephesians 6:10-17? We pray for God’s safety, guidance, & plan for the day.


While waiting in line, God gave us the opportunity to tell someone why we’re so happy, ("I’m happy today in Jesus Christ because He’s taken my sins away")! When I find out that my fruit tray is not ready, I say that’s alright, I need to go into the BX anyway. I’ll just come back. Walking thru the food court, we notice that people reciprocate smiles! BUMP, soda spills. The innocent says, “I’m so sorry, may I help you clean up?” Woman of God, I’m becoming, says it’s okay, I should have been watching where I was going. (Jokingly), I say that I didn’t want to wear that shirt to Bible study tonight anyway. Let me get you another drink. Bible study, they inquire; where-what time-what’s the study about-is it too late for newcomers…


*Psalm 51:10,15-17 & Isaiah 66:2. This is beauty in God’s eyes!

So I am becoming, I’ve had a change involving realization of potentialities, from God, He has told me what I can do to be beautiful. I had a movement from the lower level of potentiality to the higher level of actuality. I will put into action the potential God has given me.

1. My Sister, friend, woman of God, what is becoming of a woman of God?

There is one question on your outline. However, there’s actually two. I would like for you to write the second one yourself. First, write Isaiah 53:1-3. Next, write this question; If Jesus had no beauty, & nothing in His appearance to attract me, what then, attracts me to Jesus? Then, read the rest of Isaiah 53 and also read the following accounts of Jesus:


Matthew 4:1-11
Mark 16
Luke 13:10-17
John 2:13-17
Philippians 2:1-11

Now, answer your question.

...of Becoming a Woman of God pt.1

The following is part 1 of a lesson I was blessed to present at the 2007 Misawa Air Base Ladies' Retreat in Japan. The theme was, "Becoming a Woman of God." This two-day retreat was rich in tangible lessons and reinforcing activities!

Outline:

Part I
Becoming

Launching Question: What is becoming of a woman of God?

As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19

I. Becoming Is Defined As:

A. Suitable; proper.
B. Any process of change.
C. Any change involving realization of potentialities, as a movement from the lower level of potentiality to the higher level of actuality.

II. An Unbecoming Morning

A. Concerned w/futile things
1. “To do list”
2. Hair & make-up check
3. Matching accessories
4. Children’s outward appearance
B. What should be the concern
1. Physical vs. Spiritual
a. Proverbs 11:22; ineffective beauty
b. Proverbs 31:30-31; fear of God & deeds gets the praise-not physical beauty
c. 1 Peter 3:1-6; submission to husband, a gentle & quiet spirit
d. 1 Samuel 16:6-7; issues of the heart

My Notes:

Becoming

(Day 1’s intro)-Proverbs 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.

Launching question: What is becoming of a woman of God?

Becoming is defined as: 1. suitable; proper. 2. any process of change. 3. any change involving realization of potentialities, as a movement from the lower level of potentiality to the higher level of actuality.

*When I woke up this morning, I began to think of all the things that had to be done. Immediately after my feet hit the ground, I turned around to make the bed. While shuffling to the bathroom, I “prayed, “ Lord please let my kids sleep long enough for me to get dressed, eat and have some time to myself. Sigh-I hope today is better than yesterday.

Everybody’s up, dressed and fed. Now it’s time to run a few errands. Before leaving I check my make-up and hair. Do these shoes really go w/this outfit? What about these earrings, do they accentuate my facial features? Okay, make sure the kids are still clean, shirts tucked in and hair still neatly combed & brushed. Ahhhhh, now we can go…

WAIT-STOP!

I’ve meticulously prepared myself physically, but not spiritually! Did I check my attitude? What about my heart, what have I been storing in it? Am I clothed w/the armor of God? Did I think to pray? Do I really think that those words I vomited was a prayer? Does my countenance accentuate my being a woman of God? When I get to where I’m going, the line is too long so I complain. I snap at the kids for not keeping up w/my pace. I take my frustrations out on the person in the bakery because my fruit tray is not ready-although the bakery has nothing to do with it! I’m having a bad day! I “run” thru the food court w/my head down because I don’t feel like talking to anybody. I have the, “I wish somebody would” attitude so I can tell them what’s on my mind. And then, it happens, someone bumps into me, spilling their drink on me & steps on my new shoes! “I’m sorry,” says the innocent, may I…(cutting off) Oh no you didn’t! Can’t you see where you’re going? My shirt is ruined, now I have to change before Bible study…nah nah nah nah! How becoming is that? What is it that that person sees right now? Is it the flawless hair, unblemished make-up, or is it the rudeness being expressed? It’s the attitude they see. All that preparation on the outward beauty was worthless. And you know what, the words, “before Bible study,” is baffling to them. She’s a Christian, may be what they are thinking. “And they’ll know we are Christians by our love…”

*We sometimes get so wrapped up in our physical beauty that our spiritual beauty is uncared for, or worse, not a concern at all. A woman of God ought to know that it is not the physical beauty she should trouble herself with. She knows that physical beauty w/a woman who has an unbecoming attitude is ineffective, Proverbs 11:22- Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows not discretion. Woman of God, you know that it is the fear of our Creator & your deeds that gets the praise, not your outward beauty, Proverbs 31:30-31- Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. You, oh woman of God, striving to be, exercises submitting to your husband, (if you’re a married woman) having a gentle & quite spirit, 1 Peter 3:1-6- Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do not give way to fear. Being the Godly woman that you are, you know that it’s a heart issue, 1 Samuel 16:6-7When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, “Surely the LORD’S anointed stands here before the LORD.” But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks a the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”…

...of minding my own business

I just can’t figure it out. Motives. Not mine, but those of others.

Why do people do what they do? Why aren’t they doing what they should do? What stimulates their actions? Is it love? If so, what nature; agape, (unconditional), philantrhopia, (toward mankind), or hedone, (delight in sensuality)?

Are they motivated by selfishness? Could they be doing this for public recognition or their gain? Would they be doing what they are doing only because it is the right thing to do? Will delight fill them while they are doing what they do? Where is the sincerity of their motive? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?

“All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.” Proverbs 16:2 NIV

HA! I need to estimate my motives and leave theirs alone!

...of stopping a spiritual destruction

My mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital on Saturday and released today. While she was in the hospital, my brother-in-law stayed here with us. You would think that I'd be humbly-honored to be of service at this difficult time for her. Come now, if I was, would I be blogging about this right now? NO!

I am so rotten! My nose has been pointed towards the sky with an, "I knew it" bounce. All these years that she has been nasty to me and treated me as if I was just some "chick" that her favorite son was seeing up until we had our first child, then I became Anton's "baby mama," once again it has come back to haunt her. She needs me. She is helplessly attached to a hospital bed and at the mercy of the staff. But I know that doesn't bother her, what I hope is eating away at her is the fact that she is now at my mercy because I have to care for her son. HA, SHE NEEDS ME NOW! I got one over on her now!

Oh yeah, her baby boy may very be staying at her son's home right now, but don't get it twisted, it's me who he is staying with. I'm the one home all day, not her son. ME, yeah me, the one who, "took her son away from her," and who will never be good enough for him, (in her opinion), is needed. I bet I'm good enough now!

I know these are evil thoughts stored up in my heart. I am here to confess to you, my Sisters, my friends. I do not want this to be the overflow of my heart, (Luke 6:43-45). My heart must not speak these things. Pray for me, continually, (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Pray for the overflow of my heart y'all. Counsel me, encourage me, rebuke me please!

...of sharing greatness

"Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His lovingkindness is everlasting. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary..." Psalm 107:1-2 NAS

What I understand from these verses is that when God does His work in my life, it is worthy of praise; proclaim it for others to hear, be encouraged and praise as well! I am NOT to be quiet about it.

"Oh give thanks to the LORD," - Father, I am grateful for Your love and wanting Your creation to find it's way back to You. Thank You for Jesus' provision in making that possible!

"for He is good," - Supplying me with the instruments to take on the image in which You created me, Your image.

"for His lovingkindness is everlasting." - You are always loving me and being kind to me in spite of myself. When I am disobedient, You do not give up on me, You just get my attention in another way, an undeserved kind way. In fact, I know that You not giving up on me is an expression of Your everlasting love for me!

"Let the redeemed of the LORD say so...," - I, because of God, am healed of cancer. Cancer doesn't even fit into my family's medical history! Yet, it was in my body, but God, You said to the cancer that it could only "pass through," it couldn't have my body nor destroy it. You Lord said You were using the cancer, not the cancer using me, to teach me about humility! WOW! Thank You!

"...whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary..." - I, a sinner, am delivered and restored because I heard and believed about Your Son Jesus, who was made to be an atonement for my dirty & raggedy self. Oooooooh, thank You Jesus!

Is God the same way towards you? He is, then "say so!"

"...Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,..." 1 Peter 3:15 NIV

...of what you see is what you get?

"But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 NASB

...of ignorance

What am I doing that is limiting God? I have been told this from various vessels; magazines, books, journals, worship message, and even those who don't profess of being a Christian! Seriously, I really want to know. I think it's my selfishness, but is that all? It has to be more or else I would not be getting reminded so much and I wouldn't be finding myself in similar situations over and over and over again. Oh, and once again.

What is it that I am doing for God to have those same vessels tell me to uproot self? They are telling me that I am the channel blocker.

How do I NOT limit God? What does it mean to not limit God?

How do I uproot self-the channel blocker? What does it mean to do this?

Am I really not understanding or just ignoring God until He tells me what I want to hear? I know that there are times when I clearly know what God wants me to do. However, I question Him, "Is this what You really want me to do? I can't do that. I don't want to do that. Isn't there another way?"

AAAAHHHHH, WHAT IS IT LORD? WHAT AM I NOT GETTING?

...of obstinacy

"How long are You going to keep me here Lord?" God probably replied, "How long are you going to fight my will."

I took Algebra I three times in high school before passing it. The first time I took it was my sophomore year. I failed because I really just didn't get it. So I repeated the class during my Junior year. I worked hard at trying to get it this time until I was moved to another class and decided that I did not like the teacher. I began to skip the class. As a result, I received a failing grade for being absent beyond the allotted 20 days. Also because I failed this course, I was a credit short for June's graduation. I would have to go to summer school for that 1 credit and then graduate in August. My parents really wanted me to graduate "on time" but I didn't see the big deal. In my world, I would still be graduating "on time" since it was in the same year! However, that is not what my parents meant so I attended summer school before entering my senior year and took a repeat course for Algebra I. This time I passed with a "C."

Right now I am currently taking a repeat course. I am not sure of the subject, but I recognize some sort of pattern. I am sure that I am failing because of my stiff-necked self. I know that if I do not pass this time, God will make me take it again.