...of Reflections

As October 2014 comes to completion

I take some things into consideration

Still, I'm not quite at perfection



But our Creator is perfectly working on me



Registered for school one year ago

Now I have a degree to show

To better career options I say, "Hello!"



Many encouraged, "I'm so proud of you Larie"



Last October I was without a job

Plenty of nights I let out that defeated sob

Begging for a door that lead to "easy street" so I could turn the knob



I just wanted to be free



365 days past

I felt as if I wouldn't last

Life seemed like a shattered glass



Through which, God's blessings, I couldn't clearly see



12 months ago I didn't know when I'd see or talk to my oldest son

Tried to maintain...keep from coming undone

My heart weighed a ton



This year, together everyday and night, my Lord granted us to be



Last year, this time, I was borrowing a vehicle

In the face of the adversity, my faith grew fickle

A happy ending for me...unbelievable



Today the Almighty has given me my own car and I'm filled with grateful glee

For all things He has done for thee

In spite of my weak moments when I wanted to flee

Though I gave up on myself, God never gave up on me

Reflecting; where I was vs. where I am now makes me give thanks on bended knee

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...if you don't already know, you better find out about these three.

...of Laxative for My Heart

For the past few months I've been nurturing my culinary artistry passion but failing to show any care to my literary love. As a result, I do not feel whole and the overflow of my heart had gotten pretty ugly.

Recently, I felt as if my character was being questioned and I felt attacked, therefore I retaliated. Once I was done, feelings of validation flooded me and oddly I even felt empowered. I'd never stood up to this person before and had grown tired of being disrespected. However, I could have said what I needed to say in a different way.

I also felt like the person was telling me that my "poop" stinks, (the adage, "You think your poop don't stink."), but here's the thing...I-know-my-poop-stinks, that's what My Heart Speaks...is all about; releasing the overflow of my heart, using it as a laxative for my sometimes constipated heart.

How's your heart's overflow? What are you using as a laxative?

...of Home, but Standing on the Porch

My last post was exactly four months ago! I'm nurturing the culinary side of me. I've been immersed in school, work, and my personal life; neglecting the writer in me. Now, I've jotted down some ideas and written a few poems, but for the most part it seems as if writing has never been a part of me. Because of this, my heart filled up and then burst! The overflow of my heart was not good at all...it was the ugliest it has ever been.

When I became overwhelmed with anxiety about finding a job, paying for school, getting a vehicle, when I'd be able to move out of my parent's house, marital decisions, and custody situations, I prayed and/or wrote letters to God in my journal but since things were not working out like I wanted them to, I felt as if I were not getting results; instead I felt as if I were getting worse so I stopped praying for myself and lamenting to God on paper. There were a select few people I shared my heart with but I grew tired of hearing things like, "It's going to get better," "I'm/we're praying for you," "God wouldn't give you more than you could handle," "It's going to work out in your favor, just wait and see, "God's got something good for you/He's preparing you for something great," "God's got a blessing for you girl," or "It's going to be okay, don't worry." I wanted to scream, "STOP COMFORTING ME WITH CLICHES!" but I didn't, instead I withdrew and silently cried into my pillow and/or blanket at night asking God why and what is it...what am I missing or supposed to be learning. I even told Him that I was tired and didn't want whatever blessing, (if there was one), was coming.

In a nutshell, I lost faith for myself, (now don't get me wrong, I still believe in God, and I pray for others, but I don't pray for myself and I don't have the faith for myself). My eyes are set on what I see, and that is surely not faith.